To Feel Again
by Gleek4Liiiife
Summary: WARNING: MAJOR TRIGGERS. Kurt has had enough of feeling. The only way he can feel now is through self-harm. No one knows his secret until he meets a certain boy who finds out his secret right away. Can Blaine make Kurt feel again? Full summary inside!
1. Revealed

_Title: To Feel Again _

_Warnings: **MAJOR TRIGGERS. DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE EVER SELF-HARMED YOURSELF AND COULD BE TRIGGERED INTO DOING SO AGAIN. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.**_

_Rating: M for major topic._

_Summary: Kurt Hummel was numb. He could feel no longer. He has had to resolve to self-harm as a outlet. Lucky for Kurt, he is a great actor and can pull it off without anyone knowing. One day, when Kurt visits the Lima Bean, he meets a rather kind stranger who quickly becomes aware of his secret. Kurt doesn't want to go back, but does. Blaine makes Kurt feel things, things that he does not want to feel. Can Blaine help Kurt out of the lowest point of his life? Can he show Kurt how to feel again?_

* * *

><p>Kurt was feeling it again. He felt the tingle in his arms; he felt his heart race, his blood boil, and the sweat on his forehead. He stared at the scissors on his desk, they were taunting him, mocking him. He didn't want to do this, it didn't have to resolve to this, he could go get help right now. He could in fact, call Mercedes, call his step-brother, or maybe even his dad. But, Kurt's pride was too big for that.<p>

He didn't want the help, he didn't want the pity. Kurt saw the way people looked at him when he got shoved into the lockers, he saw the looks of the people who felt sorry for him, and he _loathed_ it. He could handle it because it was never going to get that far, it couldn't get that far.

Oh, how wrong Kurt was.

Kurt was just so tired of feeling; his emotions always got the best of him. He would cry for hours on end, he would sing sad songs, and he even stopped organizing his closet by designer. He needed another outlet, _anything_.

So, this was his new way of letting things out.

He grabbed the scissors on his desk and played around with them in his hand. He let his finger glide over the blade; it really didn't feel all that sharp, honestly. It only cuts paper, after all, and paper is in fact, easy to tear. Kurt bit his lip and put the blade softly against his wrist, gliding against his skin.

Nothing.

Well, maybe a little more pressure out to do the trick. He let the blade glide over once more.

No?

Fine.

Kurt added ever more pressure against his write and quickly slashed the blade through his skin.

Bingo.

Red started pouring from Kurt's wrist again. And oh my gosh, he could _feel_ again. It shouldn't feel like this, intentionally harming yourself, but he felt such a rush of adrenaline surge through his body. He felt the pulse in his ears, his hear hammering against his chest, he could feel it all.

Kurt let a small smile creep up in his lips. It was fall after all, when all the best designer long sleeves come out, this was going to be something easy to hide, and something he could keep all to himself without _those_ stares.

Automatically, he lifted up the hand with the scissors in it and glided the blade just right below the first red line he made.

_Warmth._

* * *

><p>The next time Kurt did it, it was about a week later when he was having a really bad day at school.<p>

Throughout the whole week, Kurt always glanced at his wrist and felt a thrill go up his spine, every time he looked at the marks. He didn't know why it made him feel that way, but he was quite fond of it.

That day in particular was horrible because Mercedes wasn't there, when she was there, school was at least a little bit tolerable. But, he was kind of glad she wasn't there, all week she had been giving Kurt these weird looks and he didn't like it. It made him feel exposed, like she knew his secret. But, that was impossible, he had kept his marks well hidden.

"_Move it, fag."_

_Crash._

Kurt had been shoved into the lockers, yet again. He knew it was starting to leave marks on his back, he had at least five bruises painted perfectly on his shoulders going down. Kurt didn't like looking at them, it made him feel weak.

With Mercedes not being there, Kurt knew it was best to keep his mouth shut, so he picked himself up and kept on walking.

Glee club was starting to become a little boring, too. All Mr. Shue wanted to do was talk about songs from the '80s. So, Kurt just sat there and waited for the period to end, like always. Not one of the kids in glee even acknowledged Kurt was even in the class. He just took his seat at the start at every class, in the back and sat there silently.

Kurt was alone, he knew. He was waiting for somebody, anybody to notice. To notice how much he wanted them to make him open up, to break down his walls, to make him feel loved. He would never outwardly tell them he was feeling like this, he couldn't. He wouldn't even know where to begin. They were all aware that the football team gave him a hard time, but it wasn't anything knew. If he was going to be gay, his life was going to be hard.

He felt the blade glide through his wrist and he felt himself sigh in relief. He needed this, he needed the release that it gave him. Kurt watched as he saw the blood come up from his skin, and he almost felt it as beautiful. He loved watching it. He didn't understand why he was so captivated by it, but he couldn't stop staring.

_Enchantment._

* * *

><p>Kurt was a fabulous liar. He could spill lies like he was doing it since birth. And people ate them up. They just believed him.<p>

What fools they were.

"Kurt, you've been sort of… Distant from everybody, want to tell me what's going on?" Mr. Shue asked.

Kurt gave him a dazzling smile, "No, I'm alright. I just haven't been able to sleep. Finn likes to stay up late and blast his music. So, it just takes me awhile longer to fall asleep. But, I'm fine, Mr. Shue."

Mr. Shue smiled at him, "Alright Kurt, if you say so. Have a good rest of the day."

Kurt offered him one last believable smile and walked out the door. Of course he believe him, Kurt was a fantastic liar. Its become second nature to Kurt now, to say, I'm fine, when anybody asks him if he's okay. And the funny part is, it is actually believable. What no one knew was how not fine he was, how broken and torn he was inside. No one was challenging him though, not ever pushing it. He needed someone like that. He needed to know someone cared for him.

When Kurt came home that night, he pulled up his sleeve and made another mark on his pale skin.

And like always, Kurt felt again.

He could breathe out a sigh of relief.

Yes, while it was only a partial lie that he told Mr. Shue, he was not getting enough sleep, and yes, Finn did blast his music, but they had no relation to each other. That was what Kurt was good at, not fully lying, just stretching the truth. He was quite good at it.

Kurt tilted his head as he examined his wrist, he should stop cutting so close to his hands, he could easily be discovered.

Another thrill went down his spine.

_Exposed._

* * *

><p>"The damn coffee maker broke again." Burt grumbled at he snatched up his keys and walked out the door.<p>

Kurt glanced over at the coffee maker, sure enough, it looked broken. Kurt and his father were similar in that way at least, if they don't get their morning coffee, they couldn't function properly throughout the day. He heaved a sigh and grabbed his keys off of the table.

He had school today, but he didn't feel like going. One day wouldn't kill him at all, he had top grades in all of his classes. He wasn't challenged in the least at McKinely.

Kurt slipped into his car and started driving.

And he drove, and he drove, and he drove.

There was a coffee shop about five blocks from his house, but he wanted to go somewhere where no one would recognize him. He wanted to be somewhere new.

So, that is how he ended up here, at the Lima Bean. It was a small coffee shop in Westerville.

Had he really been driving for two hours?

He shrugged to himself and stepped out of the car. He pulled the shop handle and walked in.

It wasn't big, he could see the appeal in it, though. All in all, it just looked like a regular coffee shop. There was a counter where you paid, and chairs and seats to drink your coffee.

"Non-fat mocha."

"Name?"

"Kurt."

"$3.50."

He slid over his credit card to the woman behind the counter.

"Thank you. Your coffee will be ready in a few minutes."

The woman slid over back his card with a receipt.

"Thanks."

Kurt stood there and waited for a minute or two and grabbed his coffee when his name was called.

He wasn't in a rush to get back to Lima, so he picked a table, right next to a window and sat down.

Kurt didn't do a lot of thinking these days, nor a lot of feeling. He was just sort of… There. He didn't feel any life to him anymore, only when the blade touched his skin, did he truly feel alive. Kurt knew it was bad, knew he should get some help, but he figured he was too far gone now. And he didn't want saving, it was better just to keep quiet, to keep things in. He didn't want to cause trouble to people with his problems. They're his problems, after all.

He was snapped from his hazed state to find a group of teenage boys walk into the coffee shop, all dressed in the same outfit: slacks, blue blazers with red piping and a 'D' incrested on the breast and a blue and red tie. Kurt stared at them curiously for a second, but then broke his gaze to stare back at the window. He didn't know what kind of schools they had here in Westerville, turns out they have private schools for the rich kids.

"Hello?"

Kurt jumped and looked up to see who it was. It was a boy, probably around his age, and he had that rick private school uniform on. His face looked smooth, his eyes were a golden-hazel and his hair looked like it had a lot of gel in it.

Kurt blinked, "Uh, hello."

"I saw you from over there, and well, I've never seen you around before." He said kind of shyly.

Kurt raised an eyebrow, "I'm from Lima."

The boy with the gelled hair titled his head, "Why are you out here in Westerville?"

"Our coffee machine broke."

"What, no coffee shops down there in Lima." The mystery boy smiled.

Kurt almost felt himself smile, almost.

"I decided to be a rebel today and skip school. I drove and kind of just ended up here." He waved his hand.

"Well, I'm Blaine." He let out his hand.

"Kurt." He grabbed Blaine's hand and shook it.

"If you don't mind me asking, what school do you go to?" Kurt asked.

Blaine smiled, "Dalton Academy. I'm here with the Warblers. It's our school's show choir group."

"Ah, I see." Kurt nodded his head.

"Not into show choir?" Blaine said, almost teasingly.

"On the contrary, I'm in one. Although, I probably should just pull myself out. They don't use my talent anyway." Kurt shrugged his shoulders.

"Range?"

"Countertenor."

Blaine's jaw dropped, "You're kidding, right?"

Kurt gave him a look, "Why would I be? Just listen to my talking voice, it's about several octaves higher than yours."

"Wow. I am surprised they don't showcase your voice more. We haven't had a countertenor is years."

"That's what you get when you have a girl who has a voice that is too loud to ignore and wants all the solos to herself."

Blaine nodded, "This may sound weird, but are you okay? You seemed pretty lost when I saw you from over there."

Kurt's body tensed. He noticed. Someone noticed. Panic. That's all he could feel in his body. No one could no. No one. Not even a stranger whom he might never see again. But, he still noticed. Blaine spot him from a distance and noticed he was lost. No one even did that, not even Mercedes.

"Yes, I am fine." Kurt said, the lie easily slipping from his tongue.

Blaine pursed his lips and looked at Kurt, he really did not look all that fine.

"I must be going, nice meeting you, Blaine." Kurt stood up and pushed past Blaine.

He was heading straight for the door, out the door, towards his car. Almost there…

"Kurt, wait!" He heard someone scream after him and a pull on his arm.

Blaine looked down and Kurt's arm and he saw.

Kurt whipped his head around and saw that Blaine saw. And now everything was over. They stood there, frozen in shock. Kurt looked down at his arm, his sleeve was risen, just enough so the marks were noticeable. Blaine's hand was gripping Kurt's wrist tightly, like if were to let go, Kurt would explode.

Agonizing moments in silence dragged on and on. Both boys were breathing heavy, waiting for one to speak, but they didn't dare. What was Kurt to say? He wasn't going to tell his story to this random stranger, no matter how kind he seemed, Kurt wasn't going to say anything.

Kurt then grabbed Blaine's arm and pried it from his wrist. Blaine looked up at him and all he could see were the questions in his eyes.

Why are you doing it? How can you stand it? Does anyone know? Will you tell me? Will you trust me?

Kurt just whispered, "I think you should go, Blaine. More importantly, I need to go."

"You're going to do that to yourself again." It wasn't even a question.

Kurt just stared at Blaine, eyes locked on each other.

"This isn't your battle, Blaine. It's mine to fight, and mine to fight alone."

Before Blaine could respond, Kurt turned on his heal, and ran to his car. He never ran so fast before in his life. But, he wasn't going to answer the questions. He couldn't answer the questions.

He heard Blaine call for him, but Kurt didn't stop. He had his keys already out and he yanked open his door, started the ignition and pulled out. Kurt looked in his rear view mirror and saw Blaine standing there in the middle of the street with a sad look on his face.

When Kurt finally arrived home, the house was still empty. Burt and Carole were still at work while Finn was at school and would not be home until after practice.

He went into the kitchen, pulled his sleeve up quickly and yanked the scissors out of the drawer. He slid the blade through his skin and breathed that same sigh of relief as he saw the red drip from his skin.

Blaine wasn't meant to see, he wasn't supposed to see. And he would never see this boy again in his life. Kurt didn't want to care. He should be used to it by now, not having anyone care for you. But, the way his eyes looked at Kurt when after he saw the marks on his arms, that's the most caring look he has received his months.

Kurt thought of Blaine's face as he cut through his skin again, and again.

After he was done, he cleaned the scissors, put him back where he found them and washed his wrist. He made sure the bleeding had stopped and rolled his sleeve back down.

No one knew. Except for him.

_Revealed._

* * *

><p><em>Hello! If you have made it this far, thank you so much! <em>

_I do have a lot of the story written. It was intended to be a one-shot but it got way too long for it to be so. _

_So, if you would be kind as to leave a review, it motivates me to write more!_

_Thank you so much,_

_Ally_


	2. Lifeless

_Same warning apply as first chapter._

_I forgot to add the disclaimer so..._

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or any of its characters._**

* * *

><p>A couple of weeks seemed to go by to Kurt in a blur. It was as if he was barley there himself. He noticed things around him, he could sense it but he couldn't <em>feel<em> it. Everything was a haze for him now. When people talked to him, it was like he was set on autopilot for him to answer. When he got shoved into lockers or profanities yelled at him, he just felt the tingle in his arm and picked himself up. It was almost every night when Kurt did the same routine, he would go up to his room and take out the scissors.

Kurt used to have hope, hope that he would stop, hope that things would get better, hope that someone would notice. No. Because someone did notice and it ended badly. It was a stranger who noticed. It was Blaine who noticed.

Somehow, Kurt could not get that hazel-eyed boy out of his mind.

And now, when he went to him room, every time he cut through his skin, Blaine's words echoed through him.

"_You're going to do that to yourself again."_

Kurt should have answered him; of course he was going to do it again. Why would he stop? It's the only way Kurt could feel anymore. It was warmth, it was comfort, but in the most twisted of ways. And he couldn't stop. He was addicted to it.

You think Kurt's family would notice? No. They didn't, because Kurt was a good actor as well as a good liar. He knew how to act around his dad. It was like a challenge, acting like himself. Or his old self. But, no one ever questioned him, and that's how he wanted it. No one needed to know.

Well, everyone except for Blaine.

* * *

><p>Kurt didn't know why he was here. He should not be here, at all. It was a risk, it was downright stupid. But, after the week he has had, he just wanted to get away. Nowhere in Lima seemed far away enough. And he just drove, really. He had no idea where was going, he just went. He was also careless in the fact he walked out the door in a short sleeved shirt, his arms being completely exposed. He didn't have the urge to care though, no one cared about him, so why should he care about himself?<p>

Kurt sat there in his parked car, right across from the gates of Dalton Academy. It was unlike any school that he has seen before, which is not saying much since he did live in Lima. But, it was still beautiful. The gates were large, black and had a gold 'D' in the center. The building were huge, and were a tan colored. He could only imagine what it had looked like inside.

Kurt stepped out of his car and leaned against his door, just taking in the school. So, this is where Blaine went to school. He had wondered all this time, why Blaine even cared so much. Kurt was a stranger to him, why should he care about Kurt? You only care about the ones you love, right?

He shook his head; somehow he knew it wasn't the case for this Blaine guy. Kurt saw nothing but kindness in his eyes when they talked, and that's something he doesn't see every day, not anymore.

Why couldn't he get Blaine out of his head? He met him one time. One time should not impact a person so much. Blaine probably already had forgotten him by now, not even remembering his name, just the kid with the scars on his wrist. He probably thought of Kurt as a lost cause, shrugged his shoulders and went back into the coffee shop and laughed with his private school friends. Kurt had no place in a mind of man that caring. No one cared for Kurt. If they did, they would have noticed by now.

Kurt leaned his head back on his car, this was so unlike him. Kurt didn't think anymore, didn't feel, didn't care. Why was he so hung up about this? The only way he needs to feel was the warmth he got from the blade touching his skin, that made him feel.

"Kurt?"

Kurt's head shot up, he knew that voice. It had been echoing in his mind for weeks. Sure enough, his eyes landed on the one and only, Blaine. He was standing directly across from Kurt, his uniform was still on, except the blazer and the tie. Kurt was struck by his beauty for a moment before Blaine spoke up again.

"What are you doing here?"

Kurt whispered, "I honestly don't know. I just drove and here I was."

Blaine smiled slightly, "You do a lot of that, huh?"

Kurt shrugged, "Not usually."

Blaine stepped forward, so he was now in arms length away from Kurt, "Let me see your arms, Kurt."

Kurt just blinked at him, "I told you, Blaine, my own battle to fight alone."

"Then why did you come here?" Blaine urged.

"I told you, I just drove and I ended up here. It wasn't intended."

"Bullshit. You knew I went here."

Now they were just staring at each other. Of course Kurt knew Blaine went here, he remembered him saying so. But, that doesn't mean he came here intentionally.

"Come on." Blaine gestured his hand to move and follow him.

"Where?" Kurt raised an eyebrow.

Blaine didn't respond, he just walked away and Kurt, still being curious, followed him.

He had expected to go through the large gates, but instead, they took on a pathway that entered the school grounds. Kurt wondered why it was there, it was a private school after all, don't they close it out to the public?

"It's for public use, if a student is thinking about transferring, or wants information on the school. It leads to the office, which leads to the dorms." Blaine explained, as if he could read Kurt's thoughts.

Now Kurt was really intrigued, dorms. Blaine was going to take him up to the dorms.

They walked up a few steps and entered a building, it seemed to be vacant at the moment, which was rather odd, and they continued towards the back and into a door that led into a massive hall.

No, really, it was massive.

"You live here." Kurt stated.

"Home sweet home." Blaine shrugged and led Kurt up a flight of grand stairs.

They walked past doors, and some students who gave Blaine a smile and Kurt more of a confused look.

What he really wasn't expecting was a student to walk by, clap Blaine on the shoulder and told him to get some.

"Ignore him. He's my best friend, he gets into a lot of trouble." Blaine shook his head.

Kurt didn't reply, only just walked behind Blaine until he had reached to a stop.

Blaine grabbed out of his pocket which looked like a key card, swiped it in the little slot and pushed open the door.

Kurt entered right behind Blaine and sort of took in his surroundings. There was a bed, straightaway and then a desk to the right, with which looked like a bathroom the left.

"Why did you bring me here?" Kurt asked.

"To talk, I'm seriously surprised you followed. I thought I would have to drag you."

Kurt shrugged.

Blaine pursed his lips, "When I saw you, in the Lima Bean a few weeks ago, all I could see was a boy who looked sad and alone. But, beautiful all at the same time. I just had to know your name, I guess."

Kurt nodded, "Nice way to assume I'm gay."

Blaine didn't seem fazed by the statement, "We gays have fabulous gaydars. You probably assumed I was."

Kurt nodded, "A lot of guys just don't go over and introduce themselves to other guys. Well, all the straight guys do, for girls. So, I assume you see my point."

Blaine only nodded, "And then, I find out you sing. A countertenor, no less and all I want to do is hear your voice because I'm sure that that's beautiful, too."

Kurt didn't say anything, so Blaine continued.

"And then I ask you what was wrong, and you say you are fine, but it came out to quickly, like it was rehearsed. I knew you weren't fine, Kurt. You can't look me in the eye right now and tell me that you're fine."

Kurt looked at him, and he couldn't. He couldn't say anything. With his friends, even his own family, he could look them in the eyes and lie. But, with Blaine staring at him like that, he just couldn't get that two worded lie out of his mouth. Blaine's eyes bred onto Kurt's and he just couldn't lie. Why can't he lie? Why is Blaine so different from the rest?

Blaine nodded, "Exactly. Anyway, and then you leave. I run after you and I grab your arm. And it has cuts all over it. You can tell me you fell, you got into a fight with a cat, but I know you did those yourself, Kurt. It was written all over your face."

Kurt was holding his breath. No, Blaine couldn't do this to him, he had no right. He didn't want Blaine to notice.

"Stop." Kurt whispered.

"Battles like that are not meant to be fought alone, Kurt." Blaine continues.

Yes, they are, Blaine, can't you see?

Just let it go.

"For me, yes. Yes it is. Blaine, don't do this to me. I've been doing this for a long time."

Blaine stepped forward, "You don't feel anything anymore, do you Kurt?"

"DON'T! Don't act like you know me, Blaine! We met once! You don't know me!" Kurt shouted.

"I know you a hell of a lot better than anyone of your friends or family do right now, they don't know they do this to yourself do they?"

"Stop acting like you know me Blaine, because you don't know a damn thing about me." Kurt said through gritted teeth.

"Then let me in Kurt, tell me what is happening to you." Blaine's eyes softened a bit.

"Why should I tell you, Blaine? Huh? Why do you care so much? No one cares about me. Hell, I don't even care for myself. So, why would you take time out of your life to hear anything I have to say?"

Blaine didn't say anything, he pulled up his sleeves from his shirt, and exposed his arms to Kurt. There were marks, long, white and thin, going up and down Blaine's arm.

Kurt stood there, shocked.

"I care, Kurt. I care because what you are going through is exactly what I had to go through. And I did it alone. Do you know how many times I wished somebody would notice these? How much I just wanted someone to reach out to me and tell me they care that I was doing this to myself? The minute I saw those marks on you Kurt was the minute I knew I had to do everything in my power to stop you. But, you left. With no way of knowing if you were going to be okay the next day, or if you went as far as killing yourself. I care because I was you, Kurt."

Kurt stared at Blaine, his heart beating loudly in his chest. He did not expect that from Blaine, he had looked so well put together, like nothing bad had ever happened to him before. Kurt could only gaze at Blaine's arms and only wondered if that is how his arms will look, when and if this was all over.

"Do you understand why I care so much, Kurt?" Blaine asked with pleading eyes.

"I don't want to be a charity case, Blaine. I don't want you to feel bad for me. I understand why you care and why you want to help, but I don't want it." Kurt said, eyes looking at the ground.

Blaine let his arms drop to his side, he took a breath and stepped closer to Kurt, "You are not a charity case. Do I feel bad for you? Yeah, because honestly, you seem like a great person, Kurt and no one deserves what you have gone through if it bad enough to make you harm yourself. You may say you don't want the help, but on the inside, you are screaming for it."

Kurt closed his eyes, "Why do you see right through me when my own father can't?"

"Like I said, I've been you." Blaine stated simply.

"You can't fix me, Blaine, I'm way too far gone now." Kurt whispered.

"No, no you are not, Kurt. There is hope for you, like there was for me."

Kurt's mind was reeling. He could tell Blaine, he could tell him why he let himself get this way, he really could. And Blaine would understand. But, why was it so hard for him to open up? Why can't he just say the words?

"You look at me, and you see broken. I wasn't always this way. I used to be so full of life." Kurt half-smiled.

Blaine gave a little smile, "Tell me about him."

"I knew, from a very young age that I was different. I liked tea parties, clothes, jewelry, all of that. As I grew up, it became a part of me. I turned into a fashionable, sarcastic, talented guy. I knew all the fashion designers, I could whip out a bitchy remark like it was my job and I knew I wanted to be on Broadway. I had so much drive to get out of this town, to show everyone who Kurt Hummel really was and that was better than them. I always thought I was better than them." Kurt finished.

Blaine smiled, "He sounds like he was a great catch, someone who I would have loved to be around. Maybe help fix my wardrobe crisis."

Kurt felt the corners of his mouth turn up, "I'm sure he really would have liked that. But, he isn't there anymore. I lost that side of me awhile ago."

Blaine was about to say something when Kurt's cell phone began to ring. He pulled out his phone and looked at the caller I.D. It was his father.

"Shit," He cursed before answering the phone, "Hello?"

"Kurt, it is five o'clock, where in the hell are you?"

"I'm sorry, dad. I left to go visit a friend in Westerville. Didn't you get my text?" Kurt felt the lie leave is mouth so easily.

"I didn't go no damned text. And Westerville? That's two hours away, Kurt!"

"I'm so sorry, dad. My text must have not gotten through. I seriously texted you, though. I'm about to leave, I'll be home soon."

"Alright, kid. Just don't scare me like that again, next time, how about you call?"

"Sure, dad. I'll see you soon." Kurt hung up the phone.

"How did that feel to lie to your dad that way?" Blaine's voice was harsh.

Kurt looked up from his phone, "Fuck you."

He was about to walk out the door but Blaine was faster and shut the door, his hand raising above Kurt's head, his breath on the back of Kurt's neck.

"I have to go, Blaine. My dad wants me home."

"You lied. So easily. When you disconnected that call, it was like you shut yourself off along with your phone. You don't get away this easily, Kurt." Blaine breathed into Kurt's ear.

Kurt shivered, "I can and I will. You need to let me go, Blaine. This is over."

"I saw them, I saw your cuts when you had the phone raised to your ear. You will go home tonight and you will do it again."

Kurt didn't even bother to lie, "I will. And you can't stop me."

"Don't do this, Kurt. It isn't worth it. You think I like staring at those scars every fucking day of my life? I hate it. These scars are a part of me for the rest of my life. But, I live with it. And if I can get through this, so can you."

Kurt let his head fall against the door, "I'm not as strong as you, Blaine."

"That's a lie, Kurt. And we both know it."

"I have to go." Kurt begged.

"I will let you go. But, I will say one thing to you Kurt, I care about you. I care so much about you. I don't want you doing this to yourself anymore. I want you to come back, and I want you to talk to me. You will be on my mind of every minute of every day until you come back. I want to help you through this, and I want to get to know the real you because he sounds amazing." Blaine finished.

Blaine let go of the door and stepped away, Kurt's back still facing him.

Kurt has his hand on the door knob, he could barely move, but he had to, for his dad. He needed to go.

"And if I don't come back?" Kurt whispered.

He heard Blaine let out a breath, "I'll go crazy. I'll wonder about you for the rest of my life. I'll wonder if you are okay, if you made it out alive. And I'll wonder if he'll care for the man when he was the only one who cared about you."

With that, Kurt yanked open the door and fled Blaine's dorm.

Through the hall, down the stairs, down to the massive room, through the office, down the pathway, across the street, into the car, on the road and finally home.

It's amazing how he never took in his surrounding anymore. Everything just seemed to dull now, colorless.

_Lifeless._

* * *

><p><em>Um, reviews make me smile (:<em>

_Thank you for reading!_

_-Ally_


	3. Relapse

_Same warning apply to previous chapters._

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or its characters_**

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><p>It was hard. Holy shit was it hard to survive. His acting could only believable for so long, the cuts on his arms could only be invisible if willed them to be. He was getting careless when it comes to these things, and this was something that he couldn't just let slip.<p>

Kurt was walking through the hallway, minding his own business, as usual, just trying to get to his next class without anyone picking on him. Oh, how silly he was to think that.

"Hey, fag."

_Slam._

Right into the lockers.

"Go to hell." Kurt screamed after him.

And why would he scream after this kid? What gave him the right to do that? Or the courage?

The footballer stopped in his tracks and walked back to face Kurt.

"Excuse me, but I think you are the one going to hell, homo. You need to be taught a lesson."

Kurt saw it coming, he didn't know why he tries to dodge it, but stood still as the jock's fist collided with his cheek. Kurt's head snapped to the side and he automatically felt the blood flowing through his nose. He didn't shout in pain, he didn't try to push the guy away; he just stood there, gasping.

"One more time and I'll make sure that it isn't just your nose that cracks."

People stood there, watching Kurt with wide eyes. No one dared to even tell a teacher though, tattling was frowned upon on the jocks and was sure to get you a beating.

So, Kurt got up from the locker, turned on his heel and walked of the doors on McKinely High. He sat in his car and pulled down the car visor to see what damage has been done.

There was blood dripping down his nose and to his mouth, it had even gotten on his jacket. It throbbed, but Kurt wasn't really worried about that. He took off his jacket and pressed his against his nose, it was ruined already anyway.

He cleaned up his face so his nose just looked swollen and there was already a bruise forming. He reached into his pocket to fish out his cell phone and checked the time, nine o'clock.

He had enough time. He could make it there in back before his dad noticed. If he was there by eleven and out by one, he got be home by three. And still leave plenty of time for his dad to come home.

He put the car in gear and he headed towards the one place he swore he would never go back.

Dalton Academy.

* * *

><p>He parked in the same place. He got out of the car and waited, just like before. He knew Dalton was in session but he had hoped anyway, that Blaine had an urge to look outside the gates today.<p>

Kurt knew what was coming; he knew he was starting to feel again. That was why he talked back to the jock today; it was because Blaine made him start feeling again. And he didn't want to feel, it was easier to feel nothing. Nothing other than the warmth of the blade on his skin. He didn't want any but that.

So, in a way, he hated Blaine.

Maybe he should tell him that today.

And then he saw him, coming up from the path, he saw Blaine walking towards him. He stopped right in front of Kurt.

"It's been a month."

"I'm well aware, thank you for pointing that out." Kurt said.

"What are you doing here and holy shit, what happened to your nose?" Blaine's eyes went wide.

Kurt rolled his eyes, "Some guy punched me in the face after I told him to go to tell. I hope you know I blame you."

Blaine looked taken back, "And how is that my fault."

"Because, before you, I didn't care if I got called names in the hallway. I used to talk back to them all time until I realized how stupid it was of me and how it just egged them on more. So, I stopped caring, and I stopped feeling. It was you is making me care again, feel things that I do not want to feel. You are seriously making me hate you Blaine." Kurt spat.

Blaine stared at him for a second, "I'm not going to say I'm sorry for making you feel. I am sorry it got you punched in the face. Hate me all you want, Kurt, but I won't stop making you care."

Kurt didn't say anything.

"I thought about you, all the time. I wondered what you were doing, if you were still hurting yourself. If you were even still alive, God, I hoped you were alive. You are on my mind every second of every day because I care about you. And I won't stop telling you that. I care about you, Kurt. And I don't want you doing this to yourself anymore."

That's when Kurt felt the tears sting in his eyes. No, no more tears. Kurt hadn't cried in months. He was not going to cry. Not over words said to him that were probably not even true. He was not going to cry.

Kurt blinked his eyes rapidly, his vision blurring, his body slumping against the car.

"Kurt, it's okay to cry." Blaine said softly.

"No, no I already did enough of that. I cried too much before. No, I can't cry. That just makes me even weaker, more willing to feel things. I can't feel these things anymore, Blaine. Why are you doing this to me?" Kurt begged.

Blaine stepped forward, took a breath and placed his hand on Kurt's cheek, "Because I care. I need you to feel this, Kurt. I need you to feel. That is the only way you can get out of this."

Kurt closed his eyes and felt Blaine's hand touch his cheek gently. He had never felt something so… Comforting before. He had never been touched like this, in the most simplest of ways. It was strange. He surprised himself when he leaned into Blaine's touch.

Blaine drew in a sharp breath, he expected Kurt to pull away, not lean into him. But, he smiled a little and stroked him thumb along Kurt's cheek. He really was beautiful.

Blaine brought his other hand up so Kurt's face was cupped in both his hands.

"Feel, Kurt. That is all I am asking you to do, just feel." Blaine whispered, his face nearly inches away from Kurt's.

Kurt was fighting against himself. One part of him was begging him to feel, to give into Blaine's pleads and touches, to end it all and give up. But, another part of him was fighting to rip away from Blaine. To shout at him that he didn't need to feel, that he was fine not feeling anything. He didn't want to feel anything. That's what got him here in the first place.

Oh, but to feel again. How wonderful would that be? To open himself up and be him again? To tell Blaine his troubles, to cry it all out, to be held, and to be cared for? Wouldn't that be amazing?

Yes.

No.

I don't know.

Kurt reached up with one his hands and felt it come in contact with Blaine's face. He felt Blaine; he felt his soft skin, his deliciously warm skin. He wanted to keep on touching him.

Blaine felt Kurt's hand reach his own cheek and drew a breath. Kurt's hands were surprisingly warm and very soft. For some reason, Blaine didn't want to leave this very spot; he could stay like this forever.

Kurt opened his eyes and found Blaine staring right at him with wide eyes. And they were filled with nothing but looked like love to him.

No.

"No." Kurt whispered.

Kurt turned around, making Blaine's hands drop to his sides, and he faced the car, his forehead coming in contact with the cool window.

_Don't feel. Don't feel. Don't feel._

Blaine's heart dropped, the moment he opened his eyes, he knew that Kurt was going to retreat. And now, Kurt's back was facing him and he could hear Kurt repeat to himself: Don't feel. Over and over and over again.

"Kurt, please. You need this." Blaine begged with him.

"No I don't, Blaine. I can't just start feeling again. It put me in such a bad place. It got me in so much trouble. I can't do this." Kurt opened the car door, got in and sped off.

Blaine didn't even try to stop him. He knew Kurt would be back. He felt more than he had in months, Blaine knew he was going to be back.

The only question was, when?

_Waiting._

* * *

><p>When Kurt got home that day, originally earlier than planned, he pulled out the scissors straight away.<p>

But, this time, instead of warmth, he felt a sting.

That never happens, he never felt that sting. That sting wasn't supposed to be there. It was supposed to be comfort. It was supposed to make him feel better.

Feel.

That was the problem. Kurt was feeling things, he only did this when he wasn't feeling anything. That's why It felt so warm, because he couldn't feel it.

Stupid Blaine. He hated him. He really did. He wanted to go back there, just to yell in his face. How dare he even have the nerve to tell Kurt to feel when he doesn't even know his story. What gave him the right to tell him to him how to feel? Kurt was doing just fine not feeling anything.

That was a mistake, to go there, to Blaine, of all people, this morning. He should have just gone home. No, his first mistake was when he first drove out to Westerville and went inside the Lima Bean. That's where his mistake came from. He wishes he could take it all back now.

Kurt closed his eyes and let his mind go blank. He doesn't let himself think of Blaine, doesn't let himself think of the way Blaine made him feel and he doesn't think of the way how the blade stung.

He thinks of nothing. He sits there on his kitchen table and thinks of nothing.

About ten minutes later, be brings the blade up against his skin, one more try.

Warmth.

_Relapse._

* * *

><p><em>Reviews make my heart go weeee.<em>

_Like, super wee._

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_-Ally_


	4. Closer

_So, it's been awhile... I'm sorry about that! School started back up and I have lame excuses... So..._

_HERE YOU GO! :D_

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Glee._**

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><p>Christmas holidays were coming up. Normally, Kurt would have been excited about this, he loved Christmas, it was a time of miracles and hope.<p>

Unfortunately, Kurt did not believe in any of those things anymore.

He knew this was going to be an issue among the house. Kurt would have to spend all day with his family, and that meant more pretending.

How long could Kurt keep up his charade up? How long would it be until he slips one day?

But, Kurt couldn't think like that, he couldn't allow himself to think like that. He just had to keep it up, it shouldn't be that hard. And then when the two weeks are up, he can go back to the way it was.

"Hey, you okay there, kid?"

Kurt jerked his head up and saw his father standing at his doorway, one hand on the doorknob.

"I knocked, but I heard no reply. You seem a little lost, is everything okay?"

Kurt nodded his head, "Yeah, I'm fine dad. I just zoned out, I was thinking about what I wanted to wear for Christmas."

And the lies never stopped coming.

Burt nodded, "Alright, whatever you say, kiddo. But, remember, if you ever need anything, you can come talk to me or Carole about it, okay?"

Kurt swallowed thickly, "Yeah, got it dad. Thank you."

His dad closed the door and Kurt let out a breath of relief. So, this was proof that he was slipping, that he needed to improve his act. He had twelve more days with his family, alone at the house. And he probably could get away with staying in his room most of the time, or tell his dad he was going out with Mercedes.

Kurt shook his head, he shouldn't care anyway. He was done with caring. He was just going to let it be.

* * *

><p>First week of the break, he got it down. He put on all the right faces, and he said all the right lines. He was able to get out of the house whenever possible.<p>

Every time he dragged the blade across his skin, though, he felt something in his chest. A feeling he was not too fond of, even more than that, he thought of Blaine. Someone who he should have forgotten by now, he hasn't been to see him in over a month. Hell, Blaine probably forgot him already, even though he said he wouldn't. Kurt was easy to forget, so many other people have.

Kurt, however, ignored the sting and pushed on. The marks, still very clear against his pale skin. He knew that no one would see them, it was a very cold winter, after all, and he had no intention of wearing a short sleeve t-shirt.

Christmas Eve around five o'clock, "Hey, dude, come on, we are going to the Christmas carnival!"

Kurt's pulse quickened as he shoved the scissors back in the drawer and pushed his sleeve down, "The Christmas what?"

Nice save.

"Carnival! Burt and mom are taking us and the glee gang is meeting us there! Let's go!" Finn grabbed his arm and dragged him out his room.

No. No. No. Kurt did not want to go to a carnival. There were going to be a lot of people there, he knew it. More faces he will have to lie to, he was just almost caught in the act, how was he supposed to keep this up?

Kurt knew that Finn wouldn't let him stay home tonight, he knew his step-brother well enough when he just wasn't going to take no for an answer.

So, he let Finn drag him out the door, into the car and off to the carnival they went. Finn was talking rapidly in the car how excited he was, which Kurt thought was pretty cute, he was seventeen after all, and what seventeen year old boy gets excited for a Christmas carnival?

"Ferris wheel! There has to be a Ferris wheel! You can't have a carnival without one of those!"

Kurt sighed and stared out the window of the car, and he started noticing something familiar. There was something he recognized about this road, he drove it a few times…

"Dad, where is the carnival at?"

"Westerville, they have it every year. I heard it was quite the party up there. The whole town goes and that Dalton Academy even performs Christmas songs."

Kurt's breath caught. Dalton. The school that Blaine went to. The show choir that Blaine was in. He was going to see Blaine.

But, that doesn't mean Blaine would see him, right? His dad did say the whole town goes, and he will only see Blaine on stage, but it doesn't mean he will see Kurt. Yeah, it was going to be okay. Blaine would probably not even expect Kurt to be here tonight.

Kurt felt his heart rate go down, besides, why should he care? Kurt doesn't care anymore, about himself, about anyone.

_Lies_

* * *

><p>Kurt and Finn caught up with the rest of the glee club at the front entrance to the carnival. He managed to put on a fake smile for everyone and greet them<p>

"How's my boy doin'? Still got the best in season jacket I see!" Mercedes smiled at him.

Kurt smiled back, "Of course, fashion is important, no matter the season."

Kurt was glad that Mercedes fashion sense was slightly lower than his. This jacket was from last season, he was just not able to wear it last year.

Kurt felt someone grab at his arm, "Oh, Kurt, isn't just Christmas time just magical! Don't you just want to sing out loud for the entire world to hear?"

"Sure, Rachel." Kurt patted her arm.

Rachel was always a little too enthusiastic when it came to the holidays. Kurt never got it though; she was in fact, Jewish. But, she just always told him that she just loved the atmosphere of Christmas, it was full of live and love.

Rachel skipped off to stand next to Finn and rant more to him on how much she loves the holidays. Kurt just sighed and shook his head and hoped that this would be over soon. Sure, he could put up a good convincing act for awhile, but he would soon not be able to for he would just not care to do it anymore.

Kurt gave another sigh and walked just a step behind everyone else, not willing to take part in their conversation. He also felt bad, really, his life wasn't so bad. It could be worse, right? At least he had nice friends. Cluessless, yes. Mean, absolutely not. Even Puck had started to be nice to Kurt after he found out he was being used as a human punching bag.

"Ferris Wheel! Come on guys, we have to go on it!" Kurt heard Finn shout.

Uproar of agreements came from the group and they all made a path towards the Ferris wheel. Kurt was a little scared, scared that whoever he had to sit with would ask questions. Questions that Kurt would not answer and questions that he didn't have the answer to. He swallowed thickly, and followed the group, praying that he would get to sit with Tina; they weren't really all that close so she probably wouldn't ask any questions.

"Alright! I will go with Finn, of course. Sam and Mercedes will go together. Brittany and Santana. Tina and Mike, of course. And then Quinn and Puck. That just leaves…" Rachel turned around and faced Kurt, "Oh, Kurt! You need to speak up! We could have found someone to go with you!"

Kurt shrugged, "I really don't mind riding alone, Rachel."

"Well… If you're sure" Rachel said with a concerned look on her face.

"Of co-"

"I'll ride with him!" Kurt felt a hand clamp on his shoulder.

Kurt knows that voice far, far too well. He should have known, should have known that there was going to be a way for him to find Kurt. It was like he should kept on appearing out of nowhere at all of the wrong times. Kurt had tried to get him out of his head for weeks, and just when he thought he was… He appears.

"And you are?" Rachel asked.

"Blaine, Blaine Anderson." He stuck out his hand and Rachel took it.

Rachel scanned his whole person, "Excuse me Kurt, but this young man is a Dalton Academy Warbler. Have you been telling him our set list? He has to be a spy!"

Kurt sighed, "Calm down, Rachel. I know Blaine, we met at a coffee shop, and he's a friend of mine. No, I have not been telling him anything about Glee Club. We never talk about it anyways."

Rachel pursed her lips, "Alright, well, I guess it's okay. We needed an extra person anyway. But, I got my eyes on you, Blaine Warbler."

With that, Rachel skipped to stand over by Finn with the rest of the group.

"Well, I've never gotten that nickname before…" Blaine murmured.

"What are you doing?" Kurt hissed, low enough only Blaine could here.

"Hey, you showed up in Westerville, not my fault. And I spotted you over with your friends and noticed you were short a person, well, I could be that short person!" Blaine beamed up at Kurt.

Kurt laughed.

Wait, _Kurt laughed. _He hadn't laughed in… Well he's not entirely sure that last time he laughed. It gave him a weird feeling, it was so foreign to him now.

Kurt cleared his throat, "Well, uh, thank you I suppose. But, I would have been fine on my own."

"Oh yeah? How's that been working out for you?" Blaine raised his eyebrows.

"No," Kurt put a hand up, "We are not doing this here. Not now, Blaine. Please."

Blaine sighed, "Alright, fair enough. Oh, look at that, we're up!"

Blaine grabbed his hand and a jolt of electricity went up Kurt's spine, no one had tried contact him like this for a long time, or really, ever.

Blaine sat down first and pulled Kurt down along with him making Kurt make an _oof _sound.

"Jeez, excited are we?" Kurt mumbled.

Blaine just laughed as the bar landed in both of their laps.

They sat there in silence for a moment. Kurt was foolish to think that he was going to go the evening without running into Blaine somehow. Kurt had a tendency to run into people who he had no interest in seeing. It's not like he hated Blaine for who he was, he hates Blaine for what he was doing to him. Kurt couldn't understand why Blaine just wouldn't leave it alone; pass Kurt along as a lost cause and move on to help the next victim. Kurt was doing just fine, thank you very much, until Blaine came along and started to make him feel again. He didn't want that, didn't want to let his emotions take over like they did all the time. He just wanted to be there, and to be left alone so he could make it out of Lima in one piece.

"So, Kurt, I know you don't want to talk about… _That_ tonight, but I was hoping we could talk about something else." Blaine said, finally breaking the silence.

Kurt raised an eyebrow, "Such as?"

Blaine shrugged his shoulders, "Just tell me about you, the things you like, dislike, whatever it may be."

Kurt sighed, he really didn't want to talk about himself. Why would he? That would just bring up everything he has been trying to avoid these pass months.

"Or, I could just tell you about myself and you can go afterwards?" Blaine asked and Kurt just nodded.

Blaine clapped his hands together, "Okay, so… I don't really know where to start, I'll just give you some random facts about me: I play nine instruments, I'm way too addicted to coffee, I love anything that has to do with Disney or Harry Potter, I can speak fluent Italian, I've been performing since I was about ten years old, I have a dog named Lucky back home and I want to be one of those coffee shop music performers in New York."

"What, are you some sort of super-human moron?" Kurt deadpanned.

Blaine threw his head back in laughter, "No, I'm just a dork with too much time on my hands."

Kurt felt his lip twitch up into a smile. No matter how much Kurt hated him for what he did, he knows that if he was still his old self, he would like Blaine very much.

"Are you going to tell me about you?" Blaine pressed.

Kurt pursed his lips and furrowed his eyebrows, "Um, alright. I play the piano, I'm classically trained. I also have an addiction to coffee and Broadways musicals. I can speak fluent French, and my goal was to move to New York, go to college and be on Broadway."

"And you said I was the super-human moron." Blaine punched Kurt's shoulder playfully.

Kurt shook his head, "I'm not special in anyway, Blaine. I'm just some teenager whose dream is way too big to come true, like every other kid in the world."

"Now see, that's where you are wrong, Kurt. Everyone who is living on this Earth is their own person. No one is exactly like you, like me, like anybody. We have all of these unique traits that make us who we are. It's that reason why that's makes everyone, so beautiful. How boring would it be if everyone was exactly like each other? Pretty boring, in my opinion. What's different about you, Kurt, is what makes you special. Sure, we might sometimes want the same things, but it doesn't mean that doesn't make you special. You are special, Kurt, just by being who you are." Blaine looked at Kurt with those sincere, wide puppy-dog eyes.

Kurt stared back at Blaine, "There was a time when I believed that, too, Blaine."

"What happened?" Blaine asked, barely over a whisper.

Kurt closed his eyes, "You know exactly what happened."

"Kurt… All I know is that you hurt yourself. You have yet to give me the reason."

Kurt's eyes flew open. That's right, Blaine didn't know. Blaine didn't know the reason for Kurt's scars. Blaine cared when he didn't even know his situation, his story. And yet, Blaine wanted him to stop.

"It's because I've been bullied. I got shoved into lockers, thrown into dumpsters, and get slushie facials at least three times a week. It's because no one noticed. It's because I have these bruises all over my body. It's because no one has even tried to see through all my acts that I know they don't care enough about me." Kurt couldn't stop himself from saying those words.

Kurt's arms started to itch, and he was rubbing his hand along his wrist. It was a habit he got when he got the urge to harm himself, and he was usually able to reduce it, but he couldn't now. All he could do was sit there, on that Ferris wheel with Blaine and try to get the feeling to go away, at least for tonight.

Blaine looked down and saw Kurt's hands, and how they kept on rubbing to his wrist. He remembered the feeling, he remembered like it was just yesterday. Needing to have it stop, or else he would just go crazy. He reached out and grabbed Kurt's hand to get it to stop rubbing at his wrist.

"It feels like it itches, doesn't it?" Blaine asked.

Kurt swallowed, his hand in Blaine's, "Yes."

"Blaine… Blaine can I see your arm?" Kurt asked in barley over a whisper.

Blaine was taken back for a moment, but he lifted his hand out of Kurt's and unbuttoned his blazer at the sleeves, along with the white button up underneath. He pushed the material out of the way and held out his arm for Kurt to see.

Kurt remembered the first time he saw these marks on Blaine. He had gone to Dalton, without intentionally doing so, and in the midst of their argument, Blaine had shown him his scars. Kurt would never show anyone his scars, no matter what. The only time Blaine had seen his were when they met that one day in the Lima Bean, a day that seemed to feel like years ago.

Kurt ghosted his hands above Blaine's arm, "It's fine, Kurt, go ahead."

With the light trace of his fingers, he touched Blaine's scar along his wrist. He could feel how the scars were raised above his skin; he could feel how cold they were. Was this how his arms were going to look? Was he going to have scars from his past that live with him every day?

Blaine watched Kurt's face intently, not quite making out his expression. It seemed to be a mixture of aw and nervousness. He could feel how warm Kurt's touch was to his skin; he could feel the spark shoot through his arm, all the way down his spine. Blaine didn't know why, but when Kurt touched him, he felt like he was on fire.

"We're about to get off, Kurt." Blaine said.

Kurt snapped out of the trance he was in, "Oh, right. Of course."

Kurt took his hand away from Blaine's arm, almost reluctantly.

Blaine buttoned back up his undershirt and blazer, already missing Kurt's touch on his skin.

"I have to go perform after this, Kurt. After that, I am going out with the Warblers. I want to see you again, Kurt, not just to talk about you, but to talk about me. I think it's time you know my story. You would be surprised as to how much it relates to yours."

They got off of the ride before the rest of the Glee Club did and stood over by the exit. Kurt knew that he needed to give Blaine an answer. Did he want to see Blaine again?

_Yes_, his heart was screaming.

_No_, his mind was yelling.

Blaine makes him feel and to be around him again would make it worse. He should just tell Blaine to shove off and never come back to Westerville again. He should tell him of course, he would love to see him again. He should tell him to forget about it, his sob story won't make a difference. But, curiosity always got the best of Kurt.

"Kurt…?" Blaine finally spoke up after Kurt hadn't said anything.

Kurt took a deep breath, "Even if I said I never, ever wanted to see you again, Blaine. Even if I tell you to fuck off, and leave you, even if I hate you so much for what you make me feel, I know that I will see you again. I don't know when, whether it's a day or a month from now, all I know is that we always kind of find a way back to each other."

And that was that. Kurt knew that he would really see Blaine again, he couldn't deny it anymore. There was something about Blaine that Kurt was intrigued by. Blaine seemed like a guy who was so well put together, like nothing bad had ever happened to him. But, he had the scars and Kurt wanted to know how can guy like Blaine, could have scars like Kurt.

"I'll see you then, Kurt."

With that, Blaine faded into the crowd and disappeared into the sea of faces.

* * *

><p><em>I'm not too sure how happy I am with this chapter... I'm just eager to tell Blaine's story.<em>

_If you hadn't noticed, I am very, very into dialogue. And you will probably see that a lot the next chapter or the following._

_Also, I want to clear something up, I know I am not too descriptive when it comes to places in the story. That was intentional. Kurt is in a state of mind where he really does not notice anything around him, physically. It's like he's there, but not really._

**_I love reviews, they are my motivation to write more!_**

_Follow me on Tumblr!_

_its a d criss and c colfer thing . tumblr. com_

_Love,_

_Ally_


	5. Author's Note PLEASE READ

Hello, everyone! So, yes, it has been a long time since I have updated. I have lame excuses.

But! I have exciting news!

Blaine's story will be posted next chapter, and it is a very long chapter. Well, for me, at least. It took me a few days to fully complete it.

This will probably be my favorite chapter to date. I'm really proud of it.

So, just bare with me, those of you who have me on story and author alert.

Those who have just joined me, you are in luck.

The chapter should be posted within the next couple of days.

I hope you guys still stuck around!

Thank you, if you have!

Love,

Ally


	6. Blaine's Story

_I'M BACK. As promised. This is a very long chapter, longest one I've ever written at least. Over 12,000 words. This is an intake on what happened to Blaine. There are major triggers in here so be cautious, please. _

_Well, I've kept you waiting long enough. Here you go! _

* * *

><p>It turns out; Kurt was going to be seeing Blaine a lot sooner than he had originally planned. He wanted to stay away from Blaine for as long as he could, but this, he just couldn't control.<p>

* * *

><p>It was New Years Eve and Kurt was walking around the mall, just passing by all the shops he had once loved. Christmas had gone actually, pretty well. No matter how lost Kurt was, how sad he was, he couldn't escape the half-smile that crept onto his face when he saw his new family sitting by the pine tree on Christmas morning. It was the first Christmas Kurt has had in years with some sort of mother figure in his life, and he was grateful for that. He did love his family; he loved them more than he loved himself or his happiness. That is why is never going to share his secrets, his unhappiness. His dad had finally found someone to love and a son that he always wanted. Of course, Kurt knew that his dad didn't love Finn any more than Kurt, or any less. Kurt was actually glad that Finn was there to distract some of the attention away from him so his dad wouldn't notice. Yes, Kurt was happy for his family, and that is why he refuses to tell them anything.<p>

He was actually quite pleased with what he got for Christmas, he hadn't expected his dad to buy him the latest iPhone, but he was thankful nonetheless. He had also received three-hundred dollars in spending money.

"_I am not as good with clothes as you are, I knew I could never pick out anything you like, so you can go to the mall with Mercedes and shop with her."_ His dad told him.

When Finn opened his presents, Kurt couldn't stop himself from half-smiling either. Finn was almost like a five-year-old while he was unwrapping his presents. He was jumping up and down and quickly tearing away the wrapping paper, it was quite adorable, Kurt thought. Finn's favorite gift he opened was a brand new football signed by his favorite Buckeye's player. Kurt swore he had never seen him look so happy.

His dad got Carole a necklace from a jewelry store that Kurt had helped pick out. He almost melted when he saw Carole's face when she saw it. Her hand flew to her mouth as she stared at the diamond necklace in the black case. She put her hand over her heart and kissed his dad quickly on the cheek, causing him to blush. Carole absolutely loved it, and his dad sent him a grateful glance his way.

Kurt actually had a decent Christmas, despite other circumstances. The day after Christmas, he just fell back into his usual routine. Sometimes, the sadness was just there and he just couldn't understand why. He wasn't at school and was away from the bullies, so why is it still with him? Was it going to be like this all the time, will he never escape it? His arms itched again, but he quickly ignored it. Now was not the time or place.

He had told his dad this morning that he was going out shopping with Mercedes, but the truth was that Mercedes was with her new boyfriend and Kurt had nowhere else to go, so he just drove to the mall. He wasn't going to buy anything; he wasn't really in the mood to try on clothes. He was okay with just walking around and window shopping. He would occasionally pass a store with something on the mannequins that he would have loved to own, but he just couldn't find it in him to drag himself into the store. That would be tapping into the person that he used to be, someone who he didn't want to be anymore.

Kurt's mind began to wander to Blaine, as usual. No matter how hard Kurt tried, he couldn't seem to get the hazel-eyed boy out of his mind. Here was a person who actually cared for Kurt in many ways no one else had. Here was a boy who could probably understand Kurt on so many levels. But, that would mean letting Blaine in to everything, letting him go deep inside Kurt to find out where the wounds have been made. And that is something he didn't want to explain, he honestly didn't even know _how_ to explain. His mind was a mess; he couldn't even make sense of it to himself.

In a way, he wanted to let Blaine in, even more so, he wanted to know where Blaine had gotten his scars. He remembers the night on the Ferris wheel, his finger tips ghosting over Blaine's past. Kurt wondered if Blaine had let anyone touch his scars like that, just let him see them, completely exposed. He wondered if Blaine was ashamed. He wondered if Blaine still had the urges to do it again. He wondered, most of all, why they were there. Blaine was a nice, smart and talented guy from the looks of it, what had gone so wrong? Bad family life? Maybe that was it.

Kurt sighed and headed toward the exit of the mall, he was done for the day. He could tell his dad that Mercedes had to leave or something and they just couldn't find the right outfit. He knew that he would be suspicious, and maybe Kurt should have bought something, but like always, he couldn't bring himself to care all that much.

Just as Kurt was approaching his car, he saw a group of guys, in what appeared to be, McKinely high letterman jackets. Kurt froze, not here, not now. Not when he was having a shitty day to begin with. He caught one of the jock's eyes and he smirked. Kurt swallowed thickly as he saw the jock swing his arm to get the attention of the other guys. Now, all of them were heading towards Kurt.

"Well, looky here boys, it's Hummel! Hey, Hummel, on a date with your boyfriend?" One of them mocked.

Kurt just shook his head and looked down.

"You used to be so full of spunk, what happened lady, realized that your homo ways aren't tolerated with us?"

"Just leave me alone." Kurt said, breath shaking.

They laughed, "Oh, but that means giving you what you want, now doesn't it? You know your life would be easier if you weren't a fag."

Kurt's backside was now touching the back of his car and was shaking fiercely. He could run, but they were faster, he could punch, but they were stronger. Kurt knew where this was going to go. Might as well fight back, Kurt thought, what is there to lose?

"Yeah, because I choose to be gay, I choose my life to be a living hell." Kurt snapped.

"In fact, fairy, you do. You see, we should try and make you change your mind. Rough you up a bit, maybe that will straighten you out, don't you think, boys?"

Nods of heads all round.

One of the jocks stepped forward and kneed Kurt in his groin. Kurt yelled out in pain and doubled over, his hand reaching out to the ground to catch himself. Once he was on the ground, he felt five kicks in his stomach, and on his back. And they were enough to leave Kurt sobbing on the ground. After each of them had their go, they spat at him and left him there in the ground.

Kurt had never felt so much pain in his life, all he wanted was for him to just die already. Oh, why did he have to go to the mall today? Why did he have to go to McKinely? Why did he have to live in Lima? Why was he even born to begin with? He gasped for air, his breath coming in quick, short pants. He didn't think anything was broken, but it was all going to leave bruises all of his stomach and back.

Kurt was finally able to pull himself up, using his car as support and climb into the vehicle. He gasped for air, his head spinning and his body throbbing in pain. He couldn't go back home, he couldn't let his dad see him like this. That means Kurt would have to explain to his dad everything that has been happening to him for these past months, hell, even years. He wasn't going to do that too his dad, he loved him far too much. He wasn't going to go to anyone in the glee club either, they would do the same thing, and even though Kurt loved the people in his glee club, they had not loved him enough. They could have noticed, could have done something, but they didn't. They just wouldn't care enough.

Kurt looked into his rearview mirror and gasped at the sight. His face was streaked with tears and his hair was a mess. All in all, he did look like a guy who had just gotten beaten up. He couldn't understand, why were they doing this to him? Why couldn't they just leave him alone? It had never gotten this bad, yes, he had gotten punched in the face once, but it wasn't nearly as bad as the pain that was coursing through his body right now. The bruises were going to take a long time to heal, he could tell. Not even just the physical bruises, but the ones that were going to last inside him forever, the look on the jocks faces while they were beating him up; they showed no mercy, or remorse. Just pure hatred.

He rested his head on his steering wheel and took deep breaths. Where was he to go? His dad was not going to expect him back for at least another four or five hours because usually after him and Mercedes go shopping, they go out to eat and go back to her house to hangout for awhile. Of course, he hadn't actually done this in months, but his dad didn't know that. Where to go, where to go, where to-

Oh, of course.

Where else had he gone when he was feeling like this? He had only hoped that Blaine was still had Dalton for the holidays.

* * *

><p>Kurt parked in his usual spot when he arrived at Dalton. But, this time, he wasn't going to wait until Blaine saw him, he was going to go up and find Blaine on his own. It was around three o'clock, so he should be in his dorm, if he didn't go home over the holidays.<p>

As Kurt walked the familiar pathway, he looked around and took in the surroundings. He didn't actually pay attention to any of it when he had first walked it, but now that he was, he was pretty blown away by the beauty. On both sides of him, there was grass and flowers that lined up along the pathway as you walked. There were fountains in the distance to his right and left, both made out of stone. They looked old and worn, but were still functioning well. He looked ahead and saw the building that was the public office. It had steps leading up to the big black double doors with a 'D' incrusted on it. There were archways above the door and vines woven into it. The whole thing almost looked like a modern day castle.

He took a deep breath as he pulled the door open and entered into the building. Right away, there was a big front desk where a lady sat, typing away on her computer. Kurt glanced to the right and saw the hallway that led to the dorms. How exactly was he going to get back there?

"Excuse me young man, what can I help you with?" The receptionist looked up at Kurt.

"Anderson. I am here to see Blaine Anderson."

The lady raised her eyebrows and scanned Kurt's entire person her eyes going wide, "Sign in."

Kurt could tell that she was alarmed by his appearance. Who wouldn't be? He looked like a wreck. He was thankful that she didn't question him, and signed into the front desk. He gave her a grateful glance and went to the right to go find Blaine.

Kurt was shaking with anticipation by now, he just wanted to see Blaine, wanted to see someone who cared for him, someone who he didn't have to explain himself to. He knew that Blaine wouldn't push him to answer anything because he already knew, that was the beauty of it. He just needed to see Blaine.

Kurt stopped observing everything around him once he got into the hall and up the stairs he went, getting curious glances from the passing by students. He couldn't bother to care right now; he just wanted to see Blaine. He quickly walked down the hallways, pushing past anyone who had gone wide eyes and stopped in their tracks. He didn't care; he just wanted to see Blaine.

Finally, _finally_, he got to Blaine's door. He took a deep breath and knocked on the door loudly. He heard rustling, and he breathed a sigh of relief. He was there.

He saw the doorknob turn, "Nick, I told you, I am not going to that par-"

Kurt swallowed.

"Kurt," Blaine whispered and looked him up and down, "What in the hell happened to you?"

And there it was, that look of nothing but care. Blaine looked like he had been kicked in the face and there was nothing but worry and concern in his eyes. Kurt couldn't take it and he struggled to find the words, but could only feel his throat close up.

Kurt felt a tug on his arm and he was pulled into Blaine's room. He heard the door slam shut and Blaine whipped around to face him again.

Blaine scanned Kurt once more, really taking his appearance, "What hurts?"

"E-everything. My whole body." Kurt whispered.

Blaine nodded, "Okay. I need you to take off your shirt, I want to see how bad the bruises are."

Kurt blinked; he shouldn't be as surprised as he is right now. He knew that Blaine knew what had happened to him, but he was definitely not expecting him to ask him to take off his shirt.

"Kurt, come on, I'm not going to do anything, and I just need to see how bad your injuries are make sure you don't have any broken ribs." Blaine pleaded.

"O-okay." Kurt whispered, and he undid the buttons of his black shirt.

Once he had all the buttons undone, he shrugged the material off of his shoulders and threw the shirt on Blaine's bed.

Kurt looked at Blaine and he knew instantly that these injuries were bad. Blaine looked like he got hit by a truck. His eyes were wide and his jaw was dropped.

"That bad?" Kurt asked.

Blaine didn't reply but only stepped closer to Kurt, he could read Blaine's eyes more clearly now, he looked, well he just looked mad now. There was a fire in Blaine's eyes that he had never seen before. His jaw was set and he could see Blaine swallow thickly.

"Blaine?" Kurt was almost afraid now, he had never seen anyone look so, just, _angry _before.

"It doesn't make sense to me, Kurt. I don't get it. How can anyone be so cruel? To have different beliefs and not agree with our lifestyle is one thing, to actually, physically harm someone for them is another. I… I just, I'm sorry. I wish there was some way I could have stopped that from happening to you." Blaine's flickered to Kurt's before looked back down.

Kurt sighed, "It was going to happen eventually, Blaine."

Blaine shook his head, "It shouldn't have to though. Lay on my bed real quick, I need to make sure you don't have any broken or cracked ribs."

Kurt nodded and laid down on his back across Blaine's bed.

_Wow, I'm on a boy's bed, half-naked, _Kurt thought. He quickly shook it away though, it's not like it was for any reason other than to make sure Kurt was okay.

"Okay, this is definitely going to hurt a bit. I'm just going to feel around your ribs. You should have already known if one was broken, though. But, I was want to double check and make sure." Blaine stated, sitting next to Kurt on the bed.

Kurt only nodded and braced himself for the pain he was about to feel.

Blaine brought his hands up and using the very tip of his fingers, he pushed onto Kurt's skin.

Kurt arched his back and hissed in pain, "Fuck."

"Sorry," Blaine breathed out, "Just bare with me here, it shouldn't take a long time."

Even with the pain, Kurt still felt the heat of Blaine's skin on his bare chest. He could only imagine what it would feel to have Blaine's smooth hands run up and down Kurt's sides, the scent of him making Kurt go weak in the knees. To what it would feel like to have Blaine's hands run down his back, his lips on his neck…

"Alright, I'm done." Blaine stated, taking his hands away from Kurt's chest.

Kurt snapped out of his trance, "So, any cracked ribs?"

"No, just some really bad bruises. Those might be there for awhile." Blaine pursed his lips.

Kurt sighed and brought his elbows in to sit up a bit, "I figured. This is going to suck; my other bruises had already started to fade away. Now, I have a brand new set of them," He looked down at his chest, "I look awful."

"No," Blaine said quickly, "No, you don't. I meant what I said the first time you came to Dalton, Kurt. You are very beautiful. These bruises will fade in time."

Kurt felt the blush creep up his face and spread across his neck, a boy just called him beautiful. And it was _Blaine_, no less. The most beautiful boy he had ever laid eyes on. But, he was probably saying that to be nice. He knew he couldn't look one once of attractive with or without the bruises.

"You don't believe me do you?" Blaine asked.

Kurt laughed dryly, "No, not really."

They locked eyes, "Well, you are."

They stayed like that for awhile, just looking at each other. Kurt knew that Blaine was telling the truth, that he had in fact, meant what he said. Kurt just couldn't believe it himself. But, maybe that was the point. Maybe it was better to have someone look at you, knowing you are beautiful because you weren't able to find the beauty in yourself. And maybe that person was to show you how beautiful you really were.

Blaine broke the silence, "You don't have to tell me, but what happened?"

"I was at the mall, and I was leaving and walking to my car, the jocks from my school were there and they just said some nasty things and beat me up." Kurt shrugged.

Blaine smiled tightly, "Yeah, been there, done that."

Kurt furrowed his eyebrows, "Really?"

"I told you I had my own story, Kurt. And well, maybe now is the time to tell it."

Kurt licked his lips, "You don't have to, Blaine. I've seen your scars, it must be something that is hard to relive and I don't want to make you do that."

Blaine smiled again, only this time, it was sincere, "You need to hear this, Kurt. And yeah, some of it is quite hard and I will get emotional, but I think I have to tell you. You might benefit from it."

"Alright," Kurt nodded, "Tell me your story, Blaine Anderson."

"Well, I guess I should start out from the beginning, when I realized when I was truly gay…"

* * *

><p><em>Blaine Anderson was sitting in his 9<em>_th__ grade English class at Adams High School in Ohio, taught by Mrs. Wilson. He was tapping his pencil on his paper, barely even listening to what the teacher was lecturing about. But, it didn't worry him too much; Blaine had the best grade in his entire class. English was easily his easiest subject; it was a piece of cake whipping out a two page essay on the latest book they had read in class. Only because Blaine had read it already in his free time._

_Blaine was always a little different from all of the other guys in his school, he had always known that, although, no one else had. All of the guys here were interested in sports, and while Blaine loved sports, he loved making music more. He was a singer, a guitarist, a pianist, and a writer. Also, all of the guys had started getting girlfriends and acting like jerks, but Blaine just wasn't into that. He had always been a polite young man, treating every girl with respect. Which is probably why he was also the most popular guy in school, as much as girls loved the bad boys, there was something about Blaine's charm and disinterest in relationships that was almost like a challenge for every girl. And did girls love a challenge._

_Blaine heaved a great sigh, all he wanted was to go home and finish the song he was started writing last night. _

_The classroom door open, and naturally, everyone looked up to see who the visitor was. It was a boy._

_A beautiful boy, Blaine thought. He was tall, had brown hair that flipped to one side, he also had piercing green eyes. Blaine blinked, who was this guy?_

"_Oh! You must be Eric! Class, this is our new student to Adam High School, he just transferred. Please, make him feel welcome. You can take a seat next to Blaine, right over there." Mrs. Wilson pointed to the seat next to Blaine._

_Eric smiled, "Thank you."_

_Blaine saw all the girls swoon as he walked down the aisle to go sit next to him. This boy was going to sit next to me, okay, what was the big deal? Blaine thought. _

"_Hey." Eric flashed him a dazzling smile and took a seat next to Blaine._

"_Uh, hi." Blaine stuttered. _

_What was making him feel like this? What was this? He was just another guy… An extremely attractive guy._

"_Take a picture, it will last longer, sweetie." Eric smiled and winked at him._

_Blaine's eyes went wide and he looked down at his hands, had he really been staring at him for that long? _

_Blaine has found other guys attractive, but he never really thought anything of it. Just like how girls can find each other attractive without it meaning anything, right? _

_But, when Blaine stole one last glance at Eric, he saw that he was already looking at him like he wanted to eat him. _

_The bell rang and everyone got up quickly and rushed out of the room onto their next period._

_Eric bent over and whispered in Blaine's ear, "I'm glad I get to sit next to you, maybe transferring wasn't a bad idea after all. See you later, bright eyes."_

_And with that, Blaine was left speechless as Eric got up and left for his next class._

_Well, this could be potentially bad, Blaine thought._

* * *

><p>"That was probably the most cliché figuring-out-I'm-truly-gay story I have ever heard." Kurt stated after Blaine was done talking.<p>

Blaine laughed, "I know. I mean, I think I always sort of knew, but I think that was the real moment for me. No guy at my middle school was equally as attractive as Eric was."

Kurt nodded, "I've always known. Always. Hell, even my dad knew before I came out to him. I think I made it kind of obvious. But, anyway, what happened after that, did you have a big gay freak out?"

Blaine shook his head, "No. I was always an opened minded kid, even though my parents weren't. I always accepted everyone for who they were because I wanted them to accept me for who I was."

"So… This Eric guy was obviously gay?"

"Yes, very much so. After he hit on me that day, there was no point in trying to deny my sexuality. I knew I was gay, one-hundred percent. Like I said, I've always sort of knew, that was just the final tip really."

"Did he have some big straight freak out or something and broke your heart?" Kurt asked, trying to guess where Blaine was going with his story.

"Oh, just hush up and let me finish me story." Blaine smiled.

"By all means, continue." Kurt waved his arm, gesturing him to go on.

"Okay, well, after that, me and Eric sort of… Started seeing each other I guess. We didn't want anyone to know though, mostly because of my parents. I was still naïve to think that my friends would still accept me," Blaine chuckled and shook his head, "How wrong I was."

Blaine paused then continued, "It was all going quite well, actually. Eric and I were pretty happy, we would steal kisses when no one was looking, and hang out together in all of our free time. He always loved watching me play guitar and write music."

"Can I ask one question?" Kurt interrupted.

Blaine nodded.

"Were you in love with him?"

Blaine licked his lips, "In a way, sure. There is always that part of me that will care for him. But, we didn't last that long, unfortunately."

Kurt raised his eyebrows, "What went wrong?"

A dark shadow casted over Blaine's eyes, "We were caught."

* * *

><p>"<em>Eric! We are at school! No now!" Blaine protested and backed away from Eric.<em>

"_Blaaaaine! Please? I haven't kissed you all day, just once?" Eric smiled._

"_Anyone can come by and catch us." Blaine pointed out._

_Eric waved his hand, "We are behind the bleachers, we will be fine, and no one comes this way! Come on, babe, please?"_

_Blaine looked at Eric with pursed lips, "Oh, alright, just one though! Then we need to get back to class."_

_Eric only smiled and launched himself at Blaine, attacking his lips. Blaine's breath hitched from the force driven behind it, but relaxed in an instant at the familiar taste of Eric's mouth. He knew when Blaine said just one kiss, that wasn't going to be it. Their mouths were connected for about thirty seconds when they broke apart, and then they dove in for another. _

"_Okay, okay. That was way more than one. Jesus, I can never say no when it comes to you." Blaine shook his head._

_Eric smirked and kissed Blaine on the cheek, "Eh, you know you liked it."_

"_Whatever helps you sleep at night, sweetheart." Blaine rolled his eyes._

_They made their way to class, hands occasionally brushing at each other's side, both aching to reach out and grab one another. _

_The next day, when Blaine and Eric entered the school, there were pictures of them everywhere, pictures of them kissing the previous day behind the bleachers._

_They stood there, frozen in the middle of the hallway, as everyone whispered and pointed at them._

"_Oh my god." Blaine breathed._

"_This… This can't be happening." Eric blinked._

"_HEY! ANDERSON. SMITH. Maybe you should be careful where you choose your make out spots!" _

_Eric and Blaine turned around and saw one of their close friends, Mark, with an amused look on his face._

"_You took the picture?" Blaine asked, astonished his friend would do this._

"_And printed them!" Mark laughed, along with everyone else standing in the hallway._

"_Not cool, dude." Eric sneered._

_Mark laughed, "What isn't cool is, dude, is two guys making out. We always knew there was something off about you Anderson, how you were into music and shit like that. Even if you played sports, we knew there was something different. Turns out you were a faggot all along."_

_Everyone laughed._

_Blaine stared at his once close friend, and couldn't believe was he was hearing. This was a guy who he had grown up with, hell, he grown up with all of these people. And they are turning their backs on him just because he happened to be attracted to guys?_

"_And you, Smith, better protect your boyfriend, he's going to need it." Mark slammed Blaine into the locker. _

_Blaine stood there, back against the locker, still in shock. How can things go from great to horrible in the matter of one day? Just because they were stupid enough to kiss out in public?_

"_I-I can't." Blaine heard Eric whisper._

"_Eric…"_

"_No, Blaine. This can't happen to me. I'm sorry. God, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me." Eric turned on his heel and left._

_That was the last time Blaine had seen of Eric Smith._

* * *

><p>Kurt was in shock, "He just… Left?"<p>

Blaine nodded, "I'm assuming he went home, told his parents and they pulled him out of school that very same day."

"Where is he now?"

Blaine shrugged, "Who knows? He changed his number, too. I have no way in contacting him. I'm not sure if I would want to, though. He left me when I needed him the most."

"So, now how the whole school knows. When did your parents find out?"

"The very same day."

* * *

><p><em>The rest of the day at school for Blaine was a day from hell. He kept his head down as he walked the halls with whispers and profanities screamed at him.<em>

"_FAG."_

"_WHERE'S YOUR BOYFRIEND, ANDERSON?"_

"_Don't touch him guys, you might catch the gay!"_

_Blaine had never felt so humiliated in his life. Little did Blaine know, that was not going to be the worst of it._

_By the time the day was over, Blaine was about ready to burst into tears. He quickly escaped his last period class and ran all the way home. He still heard the names being thrown at him, he was even pushed by some guy and fell to the ground._

_Blaine wanted to run away, to disappear. To go back in time and undo that kiss yesterday with Eric. Blaine knew the moment that Eric left earlier that morning that he would never see him again. And that's what hurt Blaine the most. He was going to go this alone, not even Eric was willing to stick by him. He was alone._

_He was out of breath by the time he reached his house. He pulled the door open and slammed it shut. He let his head hit roll back and hit the door. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to clam himself down. He was home now, nothing could hurt him._

"_BLAINE EVERETT ANDERSON. YOU GET YOUR ASS IN HERE RIGHT NOW."_

_Blaine's heart stopped. His father. Oh god, no. Not his father. The one who had the most narrowed mind in the world, and the man who would never accept his son for who he truly is. The kind father who would disown his son for being gay. _

_Blaine swallowed the biggest lump he had ever had in his throat and slowly made his way into the kitchen. Once in there, his mother was sitting at the kitchen table, he hand to her mouth, and tears pouring down her face._

"_Mom-"_

"_WHAT IS THIS?" _

_Blaine's dad screamed and threw something in his face, and there it was, the picture of him and Eric kissing. Blaine looked up at his father and saw nothing but pure anger and hatred in his black eyes._

_Well, there was no point in lying, it was all over now._

"_Exactly what it looks like." Blaine whispered._

"_NO! I will not have a fag for a son! I simply will not!" Blaine felt a cold hand collide with his cheek._

"_Jonathan!" Blaine's mother gasped._

_Blaine stumbled back and gripped his face, "Try and beat it out of me, dad, go ahead, do it. It won't change anything. I've been this way all my life."_

_His father looked furious now, his face was red and his eyes were cold black spheres, and his fists were at his side, clenched. _

"_I will not let my son be a disgrace to the Anderson name. Think about what everyone would say Blaine! Everyone is already talking! I've had hundreds of these flyers shoved in our mailbox today! You will go and make this right! You will tell everyone the guy threatened you and you had no choice and I will find you a girlfriend, the Jennson's have a nice daughter, she's about your age-"_

"_NO! I will not pretend to be someone who I am not. I'm done with that. You are my father and you are supposed to love and accept me for who I am, no matter what. Eric has probably already fled town by now and I refuse to go on a date with that girl!" Blaine yelled at his father._

"_Don't you test me, boy, I am your father and you will do what I say!"_

"_Or what? What can you do to me?" Blaine challenged._

"_FINE. You don't want to change? You don't want to obey me? I'll tell you what: You can go to school, get made fun or, teased, and I will let them call you names. And I won't do a damned thing about it because I gave you your alternative. YOU ARE NOT MY SON." Blaine's father stormed out of the room._

_Blaine stood there in the middle of the kitchen, breath faltering and body shaking. He looked over at him mom and she was just sitting there, at the table with her elbows on the table, hands folded together and pressed to her mouth. Tears were falling from her eyes._

"_Mom, I-" _

"_No. Y-your father gave the alternative. M-maybe in time you will see… That this is all just a phase. Yes, just a phase. And then you will meet a nice girl and fall in love and everything will be okay again."_

_Blaine didn't respond, he knew his mother was only really trying to convince herself that this might not end badly. But, he knew better and he knew this was just the beginning of hell._

* * *

><p>"From that moment on, my father has never looked at me the same." Blaine was looking at his hands, twiddling his thumbs in his lap.<p>

Kurt was rendered speechless, "I, oh god, Blaine, I can't even imagine…"

They sat there in silence for a moment. Kurt knew how difficult this must have been for Blaine, having to relive all of this again. Kurt almost felt selfish; the reason why Blaine had to do this was because of him. If he hadn't gone to that damn coffee shop that day, this would have never happened. He wouldn't have met Blaine. But, that was a scary thought all on its own, not having met Blaine. Whether Kurt admitted to it or not, Blaine was a big part of why he was still alive today.

"What are you thinking?" Blaine finally asked.

Kurt glanced up at Blaine with a questioning look.

"Well, at first you looked really upset and then you looked like you just had some great epiphany or something." Blaine clarified.

"Oh, well, uh…" Kurt didn't really know how to say it.

"Come on, Kurt, nothing you tell me will affect me negatively." Blaine said, head tilting to the side.

"At first, I was thinking about how awful I felt for making you relive this part of your life. It may be over but it's still a part of you. I wished for a second that we had never met. I wished that I had not decided to go to the Lima Bean that day. But then, I realized, if I hadn't met you, I don't think I would be here, as in, alive." Kurt finished, giving out a big breath.

Blaine stared at him with wide eyes, "I don't regret meeting you, Kurt. I'm very glad I did, especially if it means that I saved your life. As for me telling my story, yeah, it is hard reliving these events, but it has to be done. That part in my life is over, you're right, and it will also be with my forever, but it has no affect on me now. I am happy now, so all these bad things happened to me for some reason, I did get something good out of it."

Blaine placed his hand over Kurt's hand, which were starting to go a little numb from sitting up on his elbows for so long.

Kurt smiled at Blaine, thanking him for the kind gesture, as he felt the sparks shoot through his body.

Kurt then moved to one side of the bed, motioning for Blaine to lay down right next to him by patting the empty space that was now beside him.

Blaine gave him a small smile and laid beside Kurt, instantly warming up his body.

"So, well, I basically chose my fate that day. It was hell from then on out. When I went to school, no one talked to, not a soul. My teachers never called me, picked on me, which I guess some people would be grateful for. But, I was just so lonely. The only type of human contact I got was shoves into lockers and profanities yelled at me by the students. Even at home, it was like I was invisible. I would just go up to my room and then come out to get my dinner. The only time my parents would speak to me was when we had to go to dinner parties for my father's work," Blaine took a breath, "It was like I was living but not really. I wasn't really there. I literally felt like nothing, like there was no point to me. Music couldn't even make me feel better anymore."

Kurt swallowed, "How long was it before…"

"Before I started cutting myself? After the day my parents found out… Probably about three months later. I was triggered to do it… I never thought I actually would."

* * *

><p><em>Blaine walked the halls of his high school with his down, never making eye contact with any of the students in fear they might say something. Blaine had grown silent, never speaking unless spoken to. Never singing along to any of the songs on his iPod, just listening. Blaine Anderson was alone in a crowded place.<em>

_The only time anyone would take notice to him was when the boys would throw him into the lockers or trip him in the hallway. He would never fight back, he had learned not to fight back; it would only make things worse. So, he would pick up his books off of the ground, hold back the tears that always threatened to fall and carry on to his class. Every inch of his body hurt, the bruises from locker shoves and his sore knees from falling were getting worse and worse by the week. He just wanted all of it to stop, for it to go away._

_Sometimes, he wished he weren't gay, or ever who he was. He wished he was someone else. _

_It was after school, when he was putting his books in his locker when he felt a strong hand clamp down on his shoulder._

_Blaine froze in fear._

"_Well, well, well, boys. Look who we have you, Blaine Anderson."_

"_Just me alone, Brandon." Blaine whispered._

_Brandon was the boy who seemed to have the most problem with Blaine. He was usually the one to shove him into lockers, to trip him in the hall and he had a group of friends who stood by and laughed._

_Blaine felt Brandon's breath against his neck, "You know what happens to people like you, Blaine? They go to hell. You chose this, so don't act like you don't deserve it. It is your choice to like men, it is your choice to have your life be like this. We are just doing the right thing by making sure your choices are carried out."_

_Blaine whipped around so he was face to face with Brandon, who was only standing inches away from him. He saw his friends come around them in a circle._

"_I've done nothing to you, I don't understand why you can't just leave me alone." Blaine chocked._

_Brandon rose and eyebrow, "Alone, yes I will give you that one Anderson, you will always be alone. No one in this school will even talk to you, not even look at you, they are even afraid to touch you because they might catch your disease. You will always be alone, Blaine. No one will ever love you. I bet your parents are ashamed to have a son like you." _

_Blaine closed his eyes and felt hot tears stream down his face. Yes, yes, it was all true. Blaine was alone, with absolutely no one. Brandon was right, Blaine was going to be alone for the rest of his life. Blaine was sure of this now. It was just how it was, he had chose this after all, it was his fault, he deserved all of it._

"_You see, Anderson? The world would be better off without you in it." Brandon spat in his face and turned his heal, walking away, his friends following after him._

_Blaine swallowed the lump in his throat and slammed his locker door. He quickly fled the school, never once looking up, just staring at the ground below. He couldn't see very clearly, his tears were blurring his vision. _

_When Blaine reached his house, he yanked open the door and ran up the stairs into his bedroom. He saw his parents in the kitchen by they didn't look up, they never looked up anymore. He was just a boy who was living in their house simply because he was not old enough to live on his own. Blaine knew they day he turned eighteen, his parents would kick him out for good._

_Going into the bathroom that was connected to his bedroom, he tore off his clothes in a blind rush and stepped into the shower. He turned it on and felt the boiling water colliding with his skin. He stood there, sobs wrecking his entire body, arms wrapping around his front. This is what Blaine always did, he would come in the shower to cry, that way his parents wouldn't hear him cry._

_You will always be alone._

_You will always be alone._

_You will always be alone._

_Brandon's voice echoed in his mind. Blaine was now convinced that he will always be alone. There was no way around it anymore. It was his fate, he had to expect it. No one would care for him, no one will ever love someone like him. He was a disgrace to everyone. He was a failure, he was worth nothing. _

_So, maybe it was better to turn this all off. Make it easier on him, to turn everything off. But, how?_

_Blaine glanced up and saw the razor sitting on the shelf in the shower. He had heard about self-harm, how people would resort to it when they feel like they had nothing left. _

_Blaine always wondered why anyone would want to do that to themselves, but now… Not Blaine was wrong. He did in fact, have nothing left to his name. No one would care, and no one would notice, so maybe…_

_He grabbed the razor and twirled it in his hand. The blade was sharp, he knew. He had only used it to shave a couple times before for his face. He knew it hadn't grown dull. _

_Maybe it could stop some of the pain._

_Licking his lips, he glided the razor, hard, a couple of inches from his wrist. He saw the red automatically bloom from his skin._

_Warmth._

_He didn't have to feel when he did this. It was comforting. _

_So, he did it again, and again, and again, until he had four cuts on his arm._

_He watched the blood come out of his skin, lace into the water and down the drain. It was captivating, hypnotizing. _

_Nothing else seemed to matter anymore to Blaine, the fact that he was alone at school, at his home, he just needed the feeling of that razor against his skin, and maybe he would be okay._

* * *

><p>Blaine's eyes were closed and he was touching his arm.<p>

"Blaine…" Kurt's voice shook.

Blaine snapped from his trance, "I remember that day too clearly. Sometimes, I wish I didn't remember that day, for that day just to be erased because I think about it every day. What Brandon said and how I believed him. I wish I didn't believe him."

Kurt didn't know what to say, "I-I'm sorry, Blaine. I wish I could say something but I think I am in no place to say anything."

Blaine shook his head, "It's fine, Kurt. What's done is done, I can't rewrite the past. Like I said, it's hard for me to relive it, but it doesn't affect my day to day life anymore."

Kurt nodded, "So, what happened from there?"

"Well, I just stopped feeling. I didn't cry when anyone yelled at me shoved me into the lockers. I didn't feel the stab of pain in my heart when I saw my parents. I was just… There. It was like I was living physically, but mentally, I was gone. The only time when I felt was when I would cut myself. It was like my release. To what, I don't know, I didn't have emotion left in me, but I always felt better afterwards."

Kurt nodded in agreement, he what that felt like. Hell, he was still living it. Sort of, he knew he started to feel again.

"How long were you like that for?" Kurt asked.

"Months, even after I transferred, I still felt that way. It took awhile to heal, but luckily, I did. I have a lot to thank to the Warblers, they helped me a lot. Wes and David, those two are my best friends and the only people who know about all of this. The others, they knew about the bullying, they didn't know the full extent of it though."

"What… How did they heal you?"

"It was obvious to them that I had a difficult time at my old school. They didn't even do much really, all they did was come up to me and tell me that they are here for me, for anything. They said they realized I had it tough at my old school, but to let me know that I'm not alone." Blaine smiled.

"I told them about it one day, all of it came pouring out. They sat beside me while I cried and they told me things I needed to hear. After that, I started to heal. Those guys at my old high school, those aren't the only kind of people out there. There are people out there who except you for who you are, and who love you no matter what. I see that now." Blaine finished.

Kurt didn't know when the tears started to come but when they did, they weren't stopping. His voice broke as he spoke, "Do you… Do you really think so? Do you I can heal from this? Do you think there is a better place for me out there?"

Blaine shifted so he was on his side, facing Kurt who was still on his back, "Yes, Kurt. If I healed, so can you. And there is a place for you out there. There is a place where you belong. You are so young, Kurt, you have the time to figure it out. Focus on what you want to do, who you want to be, keep to your goals and let no one stand in the way of them. That is giving them the satisfaction. The best revenge is success and your happiness."

"Is this where you belong?" Kurt asked.

"For now, at least, I'm glad I transferred. I probably would have been dead if I was still living with my parents."

"I know you were having a hard time… But, what made you transfer?"

"Pretty much what happened to you today."

* * *

><p><em>It had been a typical day for Blaine that day, just the usual going to school, pretending not to exist, normal day. Blaine couldn't find it in him not to care though. Of course he didn't care, why would he care? It's just how it was meant to be. <em>

_On that February afternoon, he was taking his usual route home, in that was a long alley way between some houses. He only took it during the day, he knew what could happen if he went there at night, so he thought it was safe to use it while walking home._

_How wrong he was._

"_There you are, Anderson!" _

_Blaine's breath caught as he saw straight ahead what were Brandon and his group of unintelligent friends. Panic started to course through Blaine's body. If this was at school, it would be different, but they were not and they were some place where no one would find them._

"_What's wrong Anderson, little faggot boyfriend got your tongue?" Brandon smirked._

"_Stay away from me." Blaine whispered._

_Brandon only moved closer, "Or what, fag? You gonna do something? You are obviously outnumbered and have nowhere to run or anyone to run to. You're nothing remember?"_

_Blaine swallowed, of course he remembered. How couldn't he remember? Brandon wouldn't make him forget._

_With Blaine now backed into the fence of the alleyway, he couldn't run, he was cornered._

"_Take it like a man, Anderson!" Brandon yelled in his face and swung his arm to collide with Blaine's cheek._

_Blaine cried out as his face snapped to the side, nose already dripping with blood from the harsh blow. _

_Before he had any time to recover, another punch was thrown his way, but this time, in his stomach. Blaine doubled over as he gasped for air, his hand catching his fall._

"_Why won't you fight, huh, Anderson? Too scared?" _

_A kick to his stomach._

"_People like you will burn in hell!"_

"_Ah!" _

_Another kick his is stomach, but this time, hitting a rib in the process. He heard the snap of his bone._

_Someone grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him up and shoved him against the fence. Blaine's head was flopping around like a rag doll._

"_Come on, boy, nothing! You sit here and take it!" Brandon shook him fiercely. _

"_T-this is who I am. T-his is how I have to live. Nothing can change that, n-not even you." Blaine yelled._

_Brandon's lips twisted up in a cruel, sickening, smile and clenched his fist to give one final blow to Blaine's stomach, earning another crack._

_Brandon let go of Blaine, leaving him to drop on the alley way ground._

_Blaine heard the others laugh as they walked away._

_He laid there for who knows how long, just laying on his side, wishing just to die, to take the pain away, to just to end it all. He didn't know Brandon would take it this far, he was only used to lock shoves, but this was something completely different. _

_His body pulsed with pain, and even though all he wanted to do was lie there forever, he knew he had to get up and go home. With a load groan of pain, he pushed himself up so he was on his knees. Even just by doing that, he was out of breath. His house was about a quarter of a mile away, and didn't know if he could make it without passing out._

_He got to his feet, but has to grip the fence to steady himself. With one aching step at a time, Blaine made his way to his house. _

_When he reached his house, it was nearly dark and his whole body was just pure pain. His side ached, along with his nose. He just wanted to go in bed and lie down and hopefully, never wake up. _

_He opened the door._

"_WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, BOY?" _

_He looked up and saw his father marching at him with a face of pure anger on him._

_But then, he stopped and looked at Blaine. His father blinked a few times as he scanned Blaine's body. _

"_Blaine?" His mother came out of the kitchen._

_Hey eyes went wide as she gasped, "Oh, Blaine! What happened?"_

_Blaine was confused, since when did his parents care? He couldn't even remember the last time he had a full on conversation with them. He thought they would just look at him, shrug and Blaine would continue up the stairs, as usual. He did not expect this kind of… Care, from his parents._

"_Um… Some kids… They beat me up…" Blaine finally said._

"_Is this the first time?" His father asked._

"_Um, this badly, yes. But, they always push me into lockers and stuff at school." Blaine shrugged, a stab of pain going through his body._

"_And why didn't you tell us?" Blaine's mother asked frantically._

_Blaine just stared at her, "Because you guys don't care. You stopped caring the moment you found out I was gay."_

_Silence._

_Blaine knew he had caught them, he had always felt giddy with this realization. He had basically just told them that he knew they didn't give a damn about him. _

"_We… We just didn't know it was this bad." His mother said at last._

_Blaine laughed, "Because you didn't care. Once you found out you had a fag for a son, you stopped caring about me. If you took the time to notice me, to really look at me, you would see how bad everything is for me. They all act like I choose this! Like I choose to be beat up every day of my life! For what? Just because I am attracted to guys? Why should it even matter? So, yes, you guys knew it was this bad. You just didn't even take the time out to care."_

_Blaine's chest was heaving by the time his speech was done. This had been something he had been keeping in a long time. Blaine felt rage, felt relief that his parents finally knew. Blaine… He just felt._

_He felt again._

"_Can you take me to the hospital or something? I think they broke a few of my ribs and it is getting difficult for me to even breathe properly?" Blaine said at last._

"_You don't have to go back." Blaine's father spoke for the first time._

_Blaine blinked, "And where do you suppose I go?"_

"_There… There is a private school in Westerville that my friends' son in Westerville goes to. It's an all boys school and I think they said something about a no bullying policy. You can transfer there."_

"_Really? But, why?" _

_His father came up to him and put a hand on his shoulder, "I… I'm sorry, Blaine. For the way we have been treating you. And I am sorry this is the way it had to go for us to see. But, you are my son and I don't want anything bad to happen to you. I can't say I'm okay with you being gay. I can say though, I am not okay with you being beat up. We'll take you to the hospital. Do you remember who did this to you?"_

_Blaine nodded, speechless._

"_Okay… Good. Delilah, get the car ready."_

_His mom patted Blaine's cheek and went outside to start the car._

_It was over. It was all over. Blaine felt his shoulders relax for what felt like the first time in months. He felt the aching in his chest go and he felt his mind clear. He wouldn't have to go back and face Brandon tomorrow. He wouldn't have to go back to the school that made his life a living hell. And he didn't have to live at home anymore. No matter what his dad said, he knew he was uncomfortable with the fact that he was gay. But, he was grateful nonetheless. _

_Because he could heal now._

* * *

><p>"A week later, I was here." Blaine smiled.<p>

"Wow." Kurt breathed.

"Don't get me wrong, it's not like I came here thinking things would be all fine and dandy. I knew I was broken in a lot of ways. But, I was at a place where I could heal. I was at a place where nobody brought me down."

"And your parents?"

Blaine shrugged, "I talk to them every once in a while. They are really busy, though. I love my mom very much, and yes, I do love my father. I knew they were sorry for not noticing me, they even told me. But, I know they are still not okay with the fact that I am gay. We don't talk about it, though. I will probably never be able to bring around a boyfriend once I have one, which sucks. But, I'm grateful for them for sending me here."

Kurt sat up in his bed, arms resting on his knees. He was soaking Blaine's story in. Blaine, who had it way worse than Kurt has ever had. He went through so much, and yet, he is still here, sitting beside Kurt. Blaine went through more than Kurt had and he healed. If Blaine could do it… Why couldn't he? Kurt really didn't want to be like this for the rest of his life. He had dreams before all of this had started, he wanted to become something. He really didn't want it all to go to waste.

Also, his dad. His dad is amazing, Kurt knew he was surrounded by family who loved him and accepted him, which was more than would Blaine could say. He had people to love him. He didn't want to disappoint his dad, because that's what it was. If he gave up on everything, after all his dad had gone through gone through for him, it would all mean nothing. Kurt didn't want to give up, he wanted to heal, and he wanted to be something great.

"I… I think I get it now." Kurt whispered.

Blaine sat up next to Kurt, "What do you get?"

"If you survived, if you got out of it, if you had the strength to heal… Then so can I."

Kurt turned to look at Blaine who was beaming at him, the biggest smile he had ever seen Blaine wear.

"Yeah, yeah you can, Kurt." Blaine rubbed his hand up and down Kurt's still shirtless back.

"Thank you, Blaine. For not giving up on me, I know I'm stubborn and I won't usually listen to anything I don't want to hear, but you still tried. You didn't give up on me. And more importantly, you noticed me when no one else did. So, thank you, for everything." Kurt smiled at Blaine.

"I'm not going to lie when I say this to you, Kurt: It's going to be hard. Some days you will want to give up and go back to your old routine. But, you will have days where you feel good because you are allowing yourself to heal again, where you can take everything that happened to you, and look at it from a different perspective. What happened to you was something that can only make you stronger. You can walk out of this alive and better than ever. I will be here for your hard days, Kurt, because I understand what it is like to have them. It was only my pleasure for making you realize that even though it may not seem like it, everything will be okay."

Kurt had tears running down his eyes, "God, look at me, you have me reduced to tears," He laughed, "Wow, it feels good to do that again."

"To feel?" Blaine asked.

Kurt nodded his head, "Yeah. I used to think that the only time I could feel was the time when I felt the blade go through my skin. And maybe I will have days where I will still think that, but today, I don't feel like that."

"Healing is a damn long process, but it's worth it in the end."

"One question though… You were able to heal because you were in a place where you could heal. What if I can't heal because of where I am at?" Kurt asked.

"Do you have friends at your school, Kurt?"

"Well… Technically, yes. I do. But… They don't know about anything. And they never noticed. So, I am starting to question that."

Blaine pursed his lips, "The difference between you and me, Kurt, is that when people found out I was gay, they all left me alone. Your friends know you are gay, and did they stay?"

Kurt nodded.

"Then they will stay for this. You probably put up a very convincing act, Kurt. But, they love you, even if you think otherwise. You may have felt alone, like no one was noticing. But, maybe you were the one who didn't let them notice."

Kurt blinked, he had never thought of that. Of never wanting anyone to notice him before, isn't that what he wanted all along though? For someone to reach out and notice him, just like Blaine did?

"But… You noticed me." Kurt whispered.

"I did… But, that was because when I found out the reason why you were so sad, was when I saw those marks on your arm. Tell me, if your family or friends saw those cuts, what do you think they would do?"

"They would want to know why." Kurt said instantly.

"And then you would tell them and then they would understand. I get it, Kurt, you blame a lot of people for what's happened to you, and yes they are to blame. But, you have to remember, you shut everyone out. You didn't want them to see it." Blaine said gently.

"I didn't do it for myself though, I swear. I didn't want to tell my family because they have already gone through so much, I couldn't do that to them. I didn't want to tell anyone because I didn't want to… To make a big fuss out of it all. God, I don't even know why I didn't want them to know." Kurt hung his head, shamefully.

"Hey, no, none of that, I'm not trying to blame you for what happened. You thought you were doing the right thing by not telling anyone, but keeping it all in, that can catch up to you and hit you hard. You can't just bottle stuff in and expect it not to do some time of damage on you."

Kurt sighed, "I suppose so."

Blaine patted his hand, "Can I take a look at your arms?"

Kurt didn't feel the need to hide in front of Blaine, so he held out both his arms so Blaine could see.

The cuts were still, very visible. Some had faded already, and some were long and red, indicating that they weren't put there too long ago.

Blaine grabbed his arm and cradled it his hand, being very gentle. He stroked his thumb along the cuts, "Some of these will scar, but it won't be as bad as mine. Mine were pretty deep, but yours are shallower. If we treat the ones that are new, they might not even scar."

Kurt nodded and let his arms drop to his side once Blaine was done looking at them. He was thankful that some of them wouldn't scar, but a little upset that some of them would. But, he shouldn't be so surprised, he had known that they would scar, he just hadn't cared, at the time.

Time.

"Oh crap, Blaine, what time is it?" Kurt asked.

"It is… A little past ten. Why?"

Kurt's jaw dropped, "My curfew is in an hour and it takes two hours for me to drive to Lima from here."

"Where does your dad think you are at?"

"Mercedes house, he thinks we went shopping then back to her place."

"Well, just tell him you are having a good time and you are going to stay the night. You can stay the night here and then drive back tomorrow." Blaine suggested.

Kurt shook his head, "I feel bad for staying in your room. You only have one bed and-"

"So we can share," Blaine cut Kurt off, "I don't mind, Kurt, really. But, if it makes you uncomfortable or something, then you don't have to."

"No, that's not it. I just don't want to… Impose or something."

Blaine smiled lightly, "Well, you're not."

Kurt nodded, "Okay, I'm going to call him and tell him I'm staying here, well technically, Mercedes house."

Kurt dug in his pocket and fished out his phone.

He put the phone to his ear and waiting for his dad to answer.

"Hello?" He finally picked up the phone after the third or fourth ring.

"Hey, dad! Do you mind if I spend the night at Mercedes?" Kurt asked, noticing his voice didn't sound as rehearsed as it used to.

"Sure, kiddo. What time you going to be home tomorrow?"

"I'm not sure, me and 'Cedes are probably going to be up all night so I don't know when we will wake up. Do I need to be home at a certain time for something?"

"No, no. I was just wondering. Have a good time, Kurt. I love you."

Kurt's heart swelled, "I love you too, dad. Goodnight."

Kurt hug up the phone and sighed, "I feel bad for lying to him all the time."

"So, don't." Blaine pursed his lips.

"What do you mean?"

"Kurt, are you are your father close?"

Kurt thought for a moment, "Yeah, I would say we are. Not recently though, I guess."

Blaine nodded, "Use that to your advantage, Kurt. My dad wasn't there for me when I needed him because I didn't think I could go to him for anything. It sounds like the opposite for you. And you are going to need a lot of support during this healing process."

"What are saying exactly?" Kurt's eyebrows furrowed together.

"What I'm saying is… You need to tell you dad. Everything."

* * *

><p><strong>Reviews make my hear go wee! Like, super wee!<strong>

Seriously, it took me hours to write this, to lay it all out. It would mean a lot to me if you took the time out to shoot me a review and tell me what you thought.

Tumblr: its a d criss a c colfer thing . tumblr . com (Get rid of the spaces!)

Love,

Ally


	7. Reason's Why

**Okay, it's been awhile. I'm sorry. I have lame excuses, I'm sorry!**

**In the beginning of the chapter, you will here about Kurt's story with mother, it doesn't really tie up with what is going on, but it needs to be revealed. So, it is more of a back story. Hopefully, it will make sense more as you read.**

**This is a shorter chapter because it is more of a filler. Kurt is going to confess something it Blaine, explaining more of why he is the way he is.**

**Well, all warnings apply still.**

**And I do not own Glee or its characters. **

* * *

><p>Kurt still remembers his mother, he thinks about her every single day. She was one of the loveliest women that anyone could ever meet. Her care for people, her love for her family; there was nothing about Elizabeth Hummel that nobody disliked. She was a hero to Kurt, always telling him that it was okay to like tea parties instead of G.I. Joe dolls.<p>

"_What makes you different, sweetie, is what makes you special, and what makes you special, makes you beautiful."_

Burt Hummel loved his wife, he often wondered how a girl so amazing, want an ordinary man, like him. Elizabeth and Burt were in love, head over heels, and they were happy with their son. Even though they often got comments on how his son was a little odd, they didn't care. Burt loved that Kurt took after his mom, which means he had a heart as pure as hers, and as thick as skinned.

Elizabeth would often talk to Burt, talk about how lucky there were to have a son like Kurt. How caring and talented he was, how he was going to do great things for the world some day. Burt would smile, kiss her on the cheek and say, "As long as he has you, he can do anything."

Elizabeth Hummel was the rock of the family. She was the shining light in every dark tunnel. Was the perfect mom, the perfect wife, and the perfect friend.

It all came crashing down when Elizabeth Hummel found out that she had cancer. There were warning signs, but she ignored them, claiming it was nothing, but when she passed out one day, that would be the day that their lives changed forever.

* * *

><p>"<em>Where is Kurt?" Elizabeth asked in a small voice.<em>

"_He's at Alice' house. I didn't want him coming here. Elizabeth, how long has this been going on?" Burt reached over and took her hand in his._

_Elizabeth blinked the tears out of her eyes "A couple of months. It wasn't bad when it first started, just some pains in some places, coughing fits. I thought I was just getting old."_

_Burt gave a small chuckle, "I wish you would have said something, anything. Maybe you wouldn't be here right now."_

_Elizabeth gave a small smile, "I know, I'm so sorry. And now, I have to leave you and Kurt."_

_Burt felt the sting in his eyes, "No, no you won't, Kurt needs you, I need you. You can get through this, sweetheart, you always do."_

_Burt stroked Elizabeth's hair, "Sweetie, I have cancer. And it is in the advanced stages. I don't want Kurt seeing me if I went through chemotherapy. Even if I do that, there is still a high chance that I am not going to make it."_

_Burt brought her hand up to his lips and kissed it, tears freely flowing from his eyes, "What am I going to do about Kurt? He loves you so much, he needs you, he needs to know it's okay to be different. You are so good with him."_

_Elizabeth shook her head, "And so are you, dear. He loves you, so, so much. I know you will accept him no matter what. When the times comes, when he starts learning and figuring out who he truly is, you need to be there for him. You need to comfort him in any way possible. Let him know his dad still loves him, no matter what."_

_Burt nodded, "Of course, I'll always love him."_

_Elizabeth smiled, "I know."_

_The doctor came in, "Alright, Mrs. Hummel. You can go home tonight. Take it slow, don't lift anything heavy, ask your husband here to help around with the house. The last month will be the hardest, but you will be able to spend the next couple of months with your son and husband. I am, so sorry, Mrs. Hummel."_

* * *

><p><em>The doctor gave them one last smile as he exited the room and a nurse entered, preparing Elizabeth to spend the last months of her live, with the people whom she loves.<em>

Kurt remembers the last month before his mother's death, he remembers his dad being stressed all of the time, he remembers seeing his mom in bed, laying there as if she were already gone. He remembers coming up to her room every day after school, filling her in on the day's adventures. Kurt never wanted to leave her side because even though he never knew what was really going on, he was a smart eight-year-old boy and knew his mom wouldn't be there forever.

Kurt would cry at night, sometimes. He would ask why such a thing would happen to the best mommy in the world. His dad would often come up to his room and scoop him up in arms to hold him and rock him back to sleep. Kurt never loved his dad even more.

Kurt remembers the day his mother died. He had just woken up and was going to go say good morning to her and his dad, like he did every day. He skipped into the hallway and to his parent's room. He could see his dad, already sitting beside his mom, but something was off. He could see his dad shaking. Kurt, always being the curious one, walked slower and crept up to the door way. He put his hand on the door and his eyes went wide.

His dad was crying into his mom's hand. And then Kurt knew, he knew that his mommy's time was up, that she was gone. Kurt didn't cry at first, he didn't really know what to think because he had known this day would come but he didn't know it was going to be that day. He wasn't ready for it, but could he have ever been?

Burt looked up and saw Kurt, "She- she's gone, buddy. Do you want to come say goodbye?"

Kurt nodded and walked up to his mother's body. She was so pale, paler than normal. There were dark circles under her eyes and her cheeks were hallowed. It was his mom, but it wasn't really her.

He reached out and touched his mother's cheek, "Goodbye, mommy, I'll never forget you, I promise."

Kurt heard his dad make another sob and they both sat there for a long time, crying over the loss of the loves of their life.

* * *

><p>Growing up without a mother and wife was difficult for Kurt and Burt. Burt often didn't know what he was doing, but Kurt thought he was doing just fine. Kurt knew how hard it was to be a single father with a different son, so he didn't complain. He loved his dad; he loved his dad more than he loved being a star. And for Kurt Hummel, that was really saying something.<p>

Coming out to his dad was different for Kurt. At first, he denied it all, he even went out with one of the Cheerios, and he even made out with her. Something that still makes him sick to this day. He only ever wanted to be close to his dad, to like the same things that he liked. Kurt wasn't very confident with himself back then, with the fact that he was very different from everyone else was not comforting.

It turns out, Kurt had nothing to worry about when he told his dad he was gay. He loved them all the same. And that's when it all started to make sense to Kurt; his dad loved him either way, because he was different. If his dad loved him, so would all of his friends, the ones who he truly cared about, and the ones who truly cared out him.

Then the bullying started. Being the only out and proud student in high school was not going to be the easiest thing. Sure, the other Glee club members got bullied too, but it wasn't as bad as Kurt. He would get slushies, locker slams, dumpster tosses, and profanities yelled at him. Kurt was able to keep himself strong, because that's what he had to do.

In the height of his bullying, Burt Hummel suffered through a heart attack. Kurt's heart dropped, he couldn't lose another parent, not again. He had already gone through this once, was the world about to make him go through it again? The Glee club members were supportive, in their own way. Even though Kurt doesn't believe in God, he accepted their prayers in the long run. He knew they only meant well, but Kurt was a stubborn kid, something he got from his father.

Burt recovered, although his diet changed drastically, something that Kurt helped with. Kurt was going to make sure that his father would be around to see Kurt get married, adopt kids, and be successful. Burt was grumpy about the new diet, but Kurt knew he secretly was grateful. He is his mother's son.

And then, that's when things started going downhill.

* * *

><p>Kurt sat in Blaine's dorm room and stared at Blaine like he had two heads, "Okay, Blaine, you've got to be kidding me."<p>

"I'm quite serious actually."

Kurt shook his head, "No, you know what that would do to my family? My dad would blame himself when it is not his fault. No one bit."

"Kurt, part of the healing process is telling your family. You need that support, you need to have people around you who know what is going on so they can help you." Blaine tried to reason.

Kurt got up from the bed, still shirtless, and started pacing Blaine's floor, "Okay, say I tell my dad. I will tell him everything, from when the self-harm started, to meeting you, I tell him everything. What do you think he will do?"

"He'll want to be there for you. Sure, he might get mad first, he might be really upset, but ultimately, you are his son and he loves you. He wants what is best for you."

Kurt sighed, "You always have to be right, don't you?"

Blaine just gave a shrug and smiled.

Kurt ran his hand through his hair; he knew he would have to tell his dad somehow. He kind of saw that as inevitable now, there is no way he can get through this without him. His dad has been there through everything with him, he knew his dad wouldn't think anything different of him, he hoped.

Okay, so how exactly would he tell him? Just come right out and say it? Hey dad, I've been bullied and self-harming and I just thought I would let you know? Oh, and I met this guy at this coffee shop and I've been sneaking off to Westerville to see him because this has happened to him before, too. And he was the one to convince me to tell you this. So, be nice to him and don't threaten him with your shotgun.

Kurt laughed at himself, "How do you even explain something like that to your father? I mean, it sounds to, just, horrible in my head."

"Once you're in the moment, it won't be like what was in your head at all, so you might think it is ridiculous now, but when it comes out, it won't be."

"Okay, okay. So, I tell him. It's all out there. What happens from there, do I tell everyone else, how do I help them, help me?" Kurt's mind was beginning to hurt.

"Kurt, one step at a time, okay? Tell your dad, and whatever happens from there, happens. You can't plan this all out because it probably won't follow up. You can tell the rest of your family, if you want, as well as your friends. Personally, I think you should. It will probably be easier." Blaine shrugged.

Kurt was about to reply when all of a sudden someone barged into the room, "BLAINE, I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU DON'T GET YOUR ASS DOWN TO THAT PARTY I WILL- Oh."

Kurt blinked, it was a boy, obviously, he had blonde hair that Kurt decided, could not be natural. He had one hand on the doorknob and the other arm was frozen in the air while he stared wide-eyed at Kurt.

The boy coughed, "Oh, um, sorry Blaine. I didn't know you had uh- Company."

Blaine sighed, "Jeff, this is Kurt. Kurt, this is one of my friends, Jeff. And no, he's not _that_ type of company."

Kurt all of a sudden felt very exposed, he looked down and realized that he had no put back on his shirt yet, and wrapped his arms around his front. It wasn't so much about him being shirtless, but about all of the bruises and cuts covering his pale skin.

Jeff pursed his lips, obvious to the fact that this boy was in some kind of trouble, "Okay. I'm sorry for not knocking, I didn't realize someone was over. I'm sorry, Kurt."

With that, Jeff closed the door. Kurt knew that Jeff didn't mean he was only sorry for coming into Blaine's room without knocking, but because he saw the bruises on Kurt's skin.

Blaine let out a long breath, "I'm so sorry about that."

Kurt just shook his head, "Don't worry about it, it wasn't your fault. Am I keeping you from any plans?"

"No, not at all. They wanted me to go to a New Year's party but I declined because well, all they wanted to do was get drunk. And well, me and alcohol don't really mix well."

Kurt nodded, "I feel the same way. The first time I got drunk, I showed up next day at school and threw up on my teacher's shoes. Worst hangover ever."

Blaine laughed, "I sort of just talk too much, as in things I should keep to myself. And I have a tendency just to kiss people. So, I figured you know, I shouldn't get drunk anymore."

Kurt smiled, "Yeah, probably not."

Only Kurt faltered a little bit. Kurt remembers his first kiss, it was with a girl. So, he obviously didn't count that. His first encounter with a boy though, that is something he will never forget. Something that he has been trying to avoid talking about with Blaine, and maybe that is why he doesn't fully understand why it is going to be so hard telling his dad. The first encounter with a boy for him was something out of a horror movie, something that still couldn't let him sleep at night because even if he did close his eyes, he would still be there.

"Kurt, you okay?"

"What?"

"You seemed in deep thought for a second there."

Kurt only nodded, "Yeah, I was."

Blaine pursed his lips, "If you need to talk about it, well, you already know I'll listen."

"What was your first kiss like?" Kurt couldn't stop the words from spilling out of his mouth.

Blaine looked taken back at first but quickly regained his composure, "Oh, well, like I told you. It was with Eric, it was nice. It was after he took me out on a date and he kissed me at the door. It was a little awkward, like most first kisses are, but it was really nice. I don't regret it. Why?"

Kurt swallowed thickly, "Do you want to know why what made me, well what I am today? How this all happened?"

"I thought you were just bullied…" Blaine trailed off.

Kurt shook his head, "No, it wasn't just that. I had something taken away from me. Someone who I thought hated me because of who I am, turned out to hate me because of who he's not."

"Here, come sit back down." Blaine patted the bed next to him with a small smile.

Kurt walked over and climbed onto the bed next to Blaine, crossing his legs, "Well, this is going to be really, really hard to talk about. Don't judge me if I start crying."

Blaine only nodded, curious as to what Kurt was about tell him.

"There is this boy, his name is David. He is a jock, on the football team, really big guy. And he bullied me most out of everyone else. I get that maybe he didn't like the fact that I was gay, but he would just go out of his way to make my life a living hell. Even though we didn't have any classes together, we didn't see each other at all through out that day, he made sure that when he did, he shoved me into the nearest locker. Or he would slushie me, or throw me into the dumpster. It was all really depended on the location of where he saw me. The other jocks would be there to back him up, but it was always David who was doing the worst."

Kurt took a deep breath and Blaine rubbed his hand along his back, sending electric shockwaves through out Kurt's body.

"Well, anyway, I'll skip right to it. One day I walking in the halls, and he smacked my phone out of my hand. I was already having a bad day and I was in a horrible mood. What even gave me the courage to go into the locker rooms and confront him, I have no idea. But, I did. I went in there and we started to yell at each other. I told him he couldn't punch the gay out of me, I told him to hit me because it wouldn't change who I am. And that's when he, oh god…"

Kurt buried his hands into his head and felt the tears flowing from his eyes. He felt Blaine wrap his arm around him and pull him so his head was resting on Blaine's chest.

"Shh, Kurt, it's okay. I'm right here. And he isn't here, he can't do anything to you. You're safe. You don't have to continue, if you don't want to." Blaine whispered into his ear.

"N-no. I have to tell someone. I should have told someone from the very beginning." Kurt sat up and wiped his tears with the back of his hand.

Kurt took a deep breath and continued, "So, he lent in, and I thought he was going to punch me, I really did. And then, he kissed me. He just kissed me. I tried to push him off but he wouldn't budge, he is a lot stronger than me. He slammed me back into the lockers and he shoved his tongue down my throat. Next thing I knew, he-he was grinding on me. He was using me to get himself off. I was trying to scream but nothing came out. I tried to kick him but he pinned my legs with his body. I was stuck there, defenseless while he got off. Using my body."

Blaine stared at Kurt in horror, he was not expecting what Kurt had just told him. Blaine only grabbed Kurt once more and pulled him into his chest and began to rub soothing circles on his back. He didn't know what to say to Kurt, he had never been in that situation before. Beaten up by homophobic bullies, he has been through, being sexually assaulted by one, he has never gone through in his life.

Through sobs, Kurt continued to speak, "I felt so dirty and so disgusted with myself. He left me there after he was done. He told me if I told anyone, he would kill me. So, I kept it to myself. I would stare into the mirror and just feel gross. I would try to scrub my body in the shower but nothing worked. His scent was still around me, I could still here him moaning my name in my ear. I could still feel him in my dreams. He was always there, always there and I couldn't get rid of him."

Blaine felt the tears rush down his face, "I'm so sorry, Kurt. You didn't deserve that, no one does. What he did to you, it doesn't make you disgusting or dirty."

Kurt protested, "But, Blaine, he used me! I'm used! What should have been my first kiss was taken away from! Something I should have done with my boyfriend in a relationship is now ripped from me! Who would want me Blaine? Just look at my body, who would want someone who is scarred and bruised up like me? That's why I started cutting Blaine, because I felt so worthless. He treated me like dirt; make me feel like it, so that is how I treated myself. I became distant; I didn't want my friends to find out so I just blocked everyone out."

Blaine pushed Kurt away from his body, just enough to look at his face. He brought up his hand and wiped the tear that was falling don Kurt's cheek, "You are not used or disgusting, Kurt. You didn't ask for it, you didn't want it. It was forced on you. You deserve a guy who will treat you with every ounce of respect, love and care. What this boy did to you was wrong and sick on so many levels. Not all men are like that, I can promise you that. And someone will want you, Kurt, for all of you scars and everything. I used to think that too, that no one would want me because of what happened to me, because I had all of these scars. But, I realized that the person, who loves me, will only take those scars and see them as beautiful. And not the person I was when those scars were created. Your friends and family, they love you, Kurt. They would never think any less of you because of this."

Kurt's sobs had gone down by the time Blaine had finished, "Do you think I should tell my dad about this?"

Blaine nodded, "Yeah, I really think you should."

"This is going to be so hard." Kurt whispered.

"You don't have to do it alone, Kurt. You're stuck with me, I won't leave you."

Kurt searched Blaine's eyes and saw nothing but honesty in his eyes, "Thank you, Blaine. Thank you for everything you've done for me. It means so much more to me than you will ever know."

Blaine smiled, "Of course."

"I'll always hate him though, for what he did. Just knowing that he is also gay, or bi-curious or whatever, that didn't mean he had to force himself upon me like he did. I would have helped him, even if he had bullied me. If he would have come up to me and told me he was questioning himself, I would have helped him. He hated me because I was so confident with myself, I walked with my head held high even if I was feeling low. He didn't like that I did that because it made him question himself even more because he was actually attracted to me. But, I'm not a heatless person, I can forgive. But, after what he did, there is no way in hell I am forgiving him for what he did."

"You don't have to, Kurt. I don't know if that is something you can forgive him for. But, knowing that you would have helped him, even though he bullied you, says a lot about the type of person you are. You are so caring and so giving and just so selfless, he honestly doesn't deserve any of that from you anymore. He had his chance, and well, karma's a bitch."

Kurt laughed, "Let's hope so."

Kurt sighed, "It's funny, we've only met about four times and yet we know each other's past. You know me better than anyone, actually."

"Funny how things work, isn't it?" Blaine tilted his head.

They sat there in silence for awhile. Both boys were know lying down, Kurt's head resting against Blaine's shoulder while their hands where intertwined at their sides. Kurt wouldn't mind if he could stay like this forever. If he could just lie there, hands linked, with Blaine. He felt safe here, and he felt at home. Nothing had ever felt more right to Kurt before. Maybe it was because Blaine and Kurt understand each other on a whole different level that no one else could. They had similar scars that could only be seen by each other. For some reason, Kurt loved that idea; he loved knowing he was one of the few to actually know Blaine. And he was also glad that Blaine knew him.

The only hard part about all of this was the fact that they couldn't stay there forever, that tomorrow he would have to go home and face his dad. He knew that it would be best to do it tomorrow, while he still had the nerve to. He had to do this, because if he didn't, he knew that he would never be able to heal properly. He may have Blaine, but he needed that support of his father and the rest of his family. If only he didn't have to do it alone…

"Blaine, can I ask you a favor?" Kurt finally broke the silence.

Blaine turned his head to look at Kurt, "Yeah."

"Tomorrow, when I go home, can you come with me, to tell me dad, I mean? I don't know if I can do this alone." Kurt whispered.

Blaine sat up on his elbow, his hand still managing to stay locked with Kurt's, "Of course. I'll be there, you don't have to do it alone."

Kurt gave out a sigh of relief, "Good. Thank you, again."

"No problem. Let's just make it very clear to your dad that we aren't together, in that way. He seems like a very protective father." Blaine scrunched up his nose in the most adorable way, Kurt thought.

Kurt laughed, "Yeah, he would. His first reaction to you won't be very good, but I'll explain to him."

"Are you going to tell him you stayed the night here?"

Kurt thought for a moment, "Yeah, I'm done with lying."

Blaine nodded, "Okay, I am just going to go start writing my will…"

Blaine actually got up from the bed and Kurt was doubled over on his side, laughing. It hurt to laugh but he just couldn't help himself. The way Blaine said it, as if he really was about to go write it just made Kurt laugh.

Blaine smiled to himself as he saw Kurt laughing; he had never seen something more beautiful in his life than Kurt Hummel laughing out of joy.

"Glad to know you think this is funny! I am going to die. Kurt Hummel, you will be responsible for my death!" Blaine threw up his hands in the air.

That made Kurt go into another fit of laugher, "Blaine! Oh my gosh, he is not going to kill you! He might threaten you but no way in hell can you kill you!"

Blaine put his hand to his chest, gasping in fake horror, "Threaten! That makes me feel loads better!"

Kurt stopped laughing, "It should. Last guy I brought around would have made it if he dodged the bullet in time."

Both Blaine and Kurt were quiet until Kurt busted out laughing again, "You actually believed that! Blaine, I swear to you, no other guy has come around and he won't kill you! You'll be fine!"

Blaine couldn't help but laugh along, "I'm sorry! But, you looked so serious!"

Kurt chuckled, "You should have seen your face."

"Ha-Ha, make fun all you want." Blaine poked out his tongue.

Kurt raised an eyebrow, "Very mature, Blaine."

Blaine only shrugged and smiled.

Kurt smiled back and his stomach did a back flip, he knew, even after all of this was over, he was still going to be good friends with Blaine. He might not know the basic details about Blaine, like what his favorite food was, or his favorite movie, but he would be able to figure that out with time. Because he had all the time in the world with Blaine now, and he wasn't going to give it up.

"Can I use your bathroom? I need to wash up." Kurt asked.

"Yeah, go for it. Do you want to take a shower?"

"Nah, I will in the morning, if that's fine with you?"

Blaine nodded, "Yeah, that's fine."

Kurt got up from the bed and moved the four or five steps it took to reach Blaine's bathroom. It only took one look in the mirror to freeze and feel his heart stop.

He hadn't really gotten a good look at himself yet since he arrived at Blaine's, and now that he did, he felt disgusting and ashamed all over again.

His face looked terrible. There were dark circles under his eyes and they were a bit puffy from all of the crying he just did. Not to mention, _his hair_, it looked ruffled, and not styled, like is usually is .Over all, it looked like he hadn't gotten a wink of sleep in months. Which, he guessed was about right. He never really could fully sleep, not ever since the David accident. He would usually wake up from nightmares or is mind just wouldn't shut up and let him sleep.

His stomach was the worst of it all. There were blotches of bruises all formed on his stomach. Some were purple while others turned into greenish, yellowish colors. He could still see the bruises for previous locker slams on his shoulders. He turned around to examine his back and saw bruises all along his spine. Twisting back around, he stared at his reflection.

He lifted his arms and saw the cuts; he ran his fingers across his left wrist, closing his eyes which were prickling with tears. He could certainly see why Blaine' friend was so shocked to see him earlier. He looked horrible, disgusting and repulsive. He must of thought the worst of Kurt when he saw him.

Blaine stood there next to the door and saw Kurt's reacting to himself. He knew Kurt had to do this, he remembered the first time he looked into the mirror after his attack. Blaine remembered being repulsed by his own reflection and by the look on his Kurt's face; he could tell that he was feeling just that. Blaine knew now though, that he had no reason to be repulsed. It wasn't his fault he had those bruises and scars, he didn't ask for them to be put there. Blaine knew what Kurt saw in that mirror and he wasn't about to let Kurt think it for a second.

Kurt saw Blaine looking at him out of the corner's of eyes, but he couldn't bring himself to care. Hell, he cried in front of this man, told him his deepest secrets, he was pretty sure there wasn't about anything that he wouldn't be able to do in front of him anymore. He saw Blaine walk in the bathroom and stand behind him, pursing his lips, as if he was trying to find the right words to say.

"I remember feeling like that, too. Being repulsed by myself, thinking who in the hell could love me after this? It's okay to feel like that, I know nothing is going to stop you from feeling like that because I've been there too. But, it isn't true Kurt. As I've told you before, people will love you no matter if you have these scars or not. And the good thing is that bruises will fade in time. Just like everything else in this world, it takes time. You are not repulsive, Kurt, not one bit. I already told you this and I'm not embarrassed to admit it, but you are so beautiful. You have no idea how beautiful you are. I know that you don't think so, and you don't feel it, but know that someone else does, and go from there." Blaine finished and rested his hand on Kurt's shoulder.

Blaine gave Kurt no time to reply, "I'll let you finish in here. I will bring you something to wear to bed."

Kurt turned around and looked at Blaine, "I've said this a million times, but thank you."

Blaine smiled but said nothing and went to go pick out clothes for Kurt to wear.

Kurt blinked and smiled to himself at what Blaine just told him. Blaine thought he was beautiful. No one had ever called Kurt that. Sure, Mercedes would call him hot, but it just wasn't the same. Blaine was an attractive guy, someone his age, and he thought Kurt was _beautiful_. Even with all of his scars. But, of course, he thought Blaine was beautiful too, despite his scars. Maybe Blaine was right, maybe scars didn't define you as a person, but rather where you have been.

"Here you go," Blaine came in and gave Kurt some sweat pants and a white tank top to sleep in, "The pants are a little too long for me so I figured they would fit you fine."

Kurt nodded, "Thanks, I'll be out soon."

"Take your time." Blaine closed the door.

Kurt sighed, today actually made him feel a lot better. Everything was out in the open, at least with Blaine. There was still that weight of telling him dad tomorrow but he felt a little better knowing that Blaine was going to be right by his side while he told him. He couldn't say that he was looking forward to it, but he was looking forward to finally telling his dad. Kurt did feel guilty about keeping it in for so long, he knew why he did, but he still had that nagging feeling in the back of his mind. Today made him realize a lot of things, especially about Blaine's story. Blaine healed, and he was happy now, and that's all Kurt ever really wanted to be. He didn't want to live his life like this, in fear and feeling disgusted with himself. It was time to pick up the pieces and move on.

As Kurt was getting changed and cleaned up in the bathroom, Blaine was getting himself ready for bed. Blaine was mentally exhausted from everything that happened today. He wasn't expecting to see Kurt so soon, he had just seen him just under a week before he came. Blaine remembers his heart dropping the moment he saw Kurt because for a second, he saw himself about two years ago. Blaine knew at that moment that it was time to share his story, and he had never been so glad that he did. Kurt was on his way to a long road of recovery, just like he once went through. But, he was going to stick by his side, no matter how tough things got because he didn't want to see Kurt go through this alone. He cared deeply for the boy, more deeply than anyone. It scared him a little bit because they had only seen each other a few times, but he knew that that didn't matter. He and Kurt had a special connection because they both have scars, and neither thought any less of each other.

Kurt stepped out of the bathroom in Blaine black Dalton sweats and tank top and noticed that Blaine had also changed into his pajamas. He was wearing green and blue plaid pants with a grey tank top that showed off his arm muscles. Kurt swallowed and shook his head, that was way too impropriate to be looking at Blaine like that. Although, Blaine had called Kurt beautiful…

Kurt took the chance, "Wow, work out Anderson?"

Blaine blushed, taken back by Kurt's words, "Uh, I, uh…"

Kurt laughed, Blaine was too adorable when he looked embarrassed, "Clam down, Blaine. That was more of a compliment, if anything. Just because you think I'm good looking doesn't mean I can't think you are either."

Blaine was sure he had gone red all over, "Thanks, Kurt."

Kurt just smiled and sat on the bed.

"Give me a minute, I'm going to go wash up in the bathroom. And please, don't make fun of my hair."

"Why-"

But Blaine already went inside the bathroom.

Kurt raised his eyebrows curiously, he had noticed that Blaine used an unhealthy amount of hair gel, so his hair was probably curly and not easy to contain. Kurt didn't think of this as a big deal though, it's not like hair was something he was proud of at the moment.

To distract himself while he was waiting for Blaine, he got up and walked around his dorm. He stopped at his desk and saw a picture of Blaine and his friends. He recognized the blonde one from earlier, but he was also with another dozen boys. They were standing in a room, a fancy one at that, that had a Dalton Academy Warblers sign above their heads. It didn't look like this photo was taken when everyone was ready because some of them had their heads turned to this side and were laughing. One of them had their hand raised in the air, and another one was slapping someone else in the arm.

And then he saw Blaine, he was standing in the front, his arms swung over two other guys and was giving a big, cheesy smile. He looked so happy there, all of them did. It made him think of his friends at his glee club, because no matter how many times they fought or disagreed, they were still a family. Kurt blinked, _they were still family._ And all of a sudden he had a big desire to see his fellow glee clubers because he realized just how much he really missed them and being a part of the group.

Kurt heard Blaine come up behind him, "What are you looking at?"

"Just the picture, you guys all look so happy." Kurt smiled.

"We are one big family. We all love each other, no matter how much we want to take Wes' gavel and shove it up his ass sometimes." Blaine laughed.

Kurt chuckled, "Why would he have a gavel?"

"Because our Glee club is student run. We have a council that decides all of the song selections and soloists. Lately, that's been me."

"Ah, Mr. Talented guy over here, I see." Kurt teased, as he was about to turn around.

Blaine's eyes widened, "Don't laugh!"

"Blaine, why on Earth- Oh." Kurt was now fully facing Blaine, his eye instantly flying up to his hair.

It was curly alright, but Kurt was not expecting it to look so good, and he was also wearing glasses. Since when did Blaine wear glasses? There was nothing laughable about Blaine's hair at all, it was actually, quite hot. His curls were still a little damp from when he washed the gel out, but it looks like it was mostly dry.

"Yeah, oh. Go ahead, make fun all you want." Blaine waved his hand.

Kurt just shook his head, "No, I am not going to make fun of your hair. I actually like it, I like it a lot. And I am really good with hair products; I bet you I kind find the right out to at least tame it a little bit."

Blaine stared at him in shock, "You actually like my hair naturally?"

"Yes, Blaine, it looks really good. I don't see why you hate it so much."

"I don't know, because it's curly and hard to tame." Blaine said like it was obvious.

"Well, I like it, it looks great on you. Like I said, I can help you tame it a bit, but not many guys can rock the curly look, and you my friend, definitely do." Kurt reached up and ran his fingers through Blaine's hair, it was actually, really soft.

Blaine closed his eyes as Kurt ran his hand through his hair, it felt nice, "Thanks. Normally my friends tease me when they see me like this. Glasses and curly hair. It's because usually I am all dapper and done up but I'm actually quite the opposite, I'm just a nerd really."

Kurt laughed and let his hand fall back down to his side, "Really? How?"

"I'm obsessed with Disney, I love Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Star Wars and chick flick movies, Broadway, musical theater, but that is probably my inner gay shinning through though." Blaine laughed.

"Call me a stereotype, but I love chick flicks. And Disney. Okay, I'm not going to lie, I kind of love Harry Potter, too. But, my love will always be with Broadway. I'm going to be up there one day, you know." Kurt said, matter-of-factly.

Blaine smiled at him, "I don't doubt that for a second. You'll have to sing for me one day."

"I will, and you will sing for me one day." Kurt simply stated.

"Deal, come on, let's get into bed, I'm pretty tired." Blaine said and grabbed Kurt's hand to drag him into bed.

The bed was a twin, so it was going to be a tight squeeze, but secretly, neither of the boys really minded all that much.

"We have to be pretty close together." Blaine said as he went to go turn off the light and set his glasses down on the night stand.

Kurt shrugged, "Whatever works."

Kurt was already lying down when Blaine came in after he turned off the light. He was right, it was a pretty tight fit.

Blaine licked his lips, "Here, lay on your side, and I will lay on mine."

Kurt nodded and went to go to the side he was most comfortable sleeping on when he realized, that Blaine's face was only inches away from his.

"Well that's convenient." Kurt laughed.

Blaine laughed softly beside him, "Sorry, does it bother you?"

Kurt closed his eyes, "Mm, no. If you start kicking in the middle of the night though, we may have problems. Or if you are a blanket hog."

Blaine smiled, "I'm neither, but I am a cuddler!"

With that, Blaine swung his arm around Kurt's waist, gently, and brought him in closer so that his face was buried in Kurt's neck.

Kurt was surprised by the sudden action but relaxed as soon as he felt the warmth of Blaine's body against his, "Why am I not surprised?"

"It's 'cause you know me so well." Blaine stated like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Kurt smiled at his words, "Yeah, probably."

"Goodnight, Kurt." Blaine's breath tickled his neck.

"'Night Blaine." Kurt yawned.

A few moments passed, "Oh and Kurt?"

"Yes?"

"Happy New Year." Blaine whispered in his ear and placed a kiss on Kurt's cheek.

Kurt's breath hitched, "Happy New Year."

He looked at the clock that was resting at Blaine's nightstand.

12:01.

* * *

><p><strong>Okay, I realize this is not my best chapter. Like I said, it is more of a filler than anything. I did expand on Kurt's story about David, for obvious reasons. Next chapter will involve Burt. <strong>

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